Spectating the Dream

It was two hours after the match ended in defeat for the home side when Andy finally stumbled out of the pub and decided to call it a night. The emptiness of his wallet was the real determining factor in the matter. It was a bad night. But then it was always a bad night when Arsenfield lost.

He’d spent his last fifty quid on this match. He’d had high hopes when he left the office. Whistling a tune that he’d heard for at least the twentieth time that day on radio one which was never ‘not on’ in the office, he made his way to the bookies and put down thirty quid on Sloan for first scorer. Sloan had been a thirty plus goals a season striker two years running; and with seven of those goals in his last five appearances against Linchester the six to one odds were pretty much guaranteed to be his in a few hours. Sloan was one of those rare players who stays with a club through some weird sentimental sense of loyalty, knowing in spite of this he could do better. Every time he played against Linchester he made their defences look like an awkward assembly of pub players.

It had been a clear day. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. He had the next two days off and was looking forward to catching up on sleep and season four of Stunned after winning a hefty profit on the bet once Arsenfield beat the pants off of Linchester.

He donned his Arsenfield away top which he truly believed, no, he ‘knew’ it to be lucky. He had every home and away shirt since the team came into existence back in 74. Some of them were worth an absolute mint but that didn’t stop him wearing them. He wasn’t just a collector, he wanted to show off his collection as well.

He’d been a fan since he was born. His dad used to take him to home matches and he was there when that famous goal was scored that saw Arsenfield qualify and go on to win the Premier League. Sure, he was only two when it happened but he’d seen the footage enough times to know deep down that he remembered it.

Andy was never any good at the game himself. He played with the lads in P.E. and sometimes on the school pitch on the weekends when he was growing up, but he was never fast enough. He didn’t have the same stamina and now that he was older and had an impressive keg sized beer belly over his belt, he knew his days of dreaming to make it into the premier league were numbered. But that was okay because he loved to watch it and support his team and his favourite footballer Sloan most of all.

Making his way toward ‘The Buggered Badger’ which was actually named the far less hilarious ‘Blundering Badger’, though he preferred the former and refused to use anything other than that; he stopped into a corner shop and bought himself twenty Lambert and Butler. He proceeded to drink the remaining fifteen quid over the course of the match.

Needless to say Sloan didn’t score first. In fact Sloan didn’t score at all for the entirety of the match which nearly saw him knocking a few teeth out of the bastard Woods from Accounts.

Woods was a Linchester supporter through and through, and it was enough for him to be one of the untouchables to Andy. He didn’t speak to him at work. He wouldn’t even piss next to him if they were in the toilet at the same time. In Andy’s world, Woods didn’t exist.

When Woods chose to make a few slurs against Arsenfield and that washed up Sloan, Andy noticed that he existed and wanted to pound him right back out of his world and right back to wherever the hell it was that he did belong.

He got one good hard swing in, but sadly he was too drunk to connect and instead ended up on his back on the floor of the Buggered Badger. Woods laughed and jeered and perhaps it was the lucky shirt doing its bit a little late that saw the bouncer lift Woods and throw him out for starting trouble.

Andy climbed back up from the sticky floor, winded and angry. His temples were throbbing and his face was the colour of the Merlot the bar tender was handing to a girl a few bar stools away.

Andy was out of cash but had half of his pint of Tenants remaining so he nursed it slowly, a part of him knowing that he was really waiting to be sure that Woods and any cronies he may have amassed had buggered off home or to another pub instead of lying in wait for him to begin his journey home; tail between his legs and head down in defeat while those bastards gloated.

Knowing he didn’t have any friends that would either buy him another pint or spot him the money for a taxi to get home safely he admitted yet another defeat for the evening and made his way to the door. He suffered a few more taunts as he went, the shirt acting like a beacon to attract unwanted attention. They rubbed his face in the failure of the night.

He thought to himself “How could Sloan have done this to me? Losing me thirty quid and on top of that making me the laughing stock of the entire pub. And after I went and waited for hours after the last three home games in hopes of an autograph that I never even got.”

He was angry and his breath came in pants before he had even reached the door. Once there, the bouncer that had thrown Woods out made another jibe at him, “You may want to cover up before heading out there, and not just because of the pissing rain!” Andy ground his teeth and dug his nails into the palms of his hands.

He hadn’t brought a jacket or a brolly and so he just walked out into the rain and stomped harder than necessary through the puddles that littered his path. Anger wasn’t the word. He was enraged. How could Sloan do this to him? Let him down like this? The thoughts kept echoing in his head.

As he plodded on, getting more and more soaked until the Arsenfield jersey was sticking to him like a second skin, he found himself remembering the good times.

“When he scored that goal against Renham with seconds on the clock and won the game at the end of last season.” He smiled. Who was he kidding. Sloan was the man. He’d proven himself many times over. “Sure everyone has bad days, it’s just a pity this one cost me thirty quid.” He said it out load but to himself.

“Just gotta keep on remembering all the times he came through for me.” He sighed. That was it. He’d won far more betting on Arsenfield than he’d lost. That was what mattered. The bottom line as that bastard Woods from Accounts would have said.

Andy was sure that if he ever did get to meet Sloan in person that they’d be great friends. That was the only problem with the Premier League guys. It took them out of your reach. He fantasised sometimes about himself and Sloan sitting in the pub, both wearing matching Arsenfield jerseys, talking sport. Reliving the good old days and going over the big wins in detail. Reliving the best bits of the best matches.

He didn’t tell anyone about it but it’s what he considered to be his own little happy place. Sometimes when the pressure was really on at work and he found it hard to stop thinking about it he would go out with Sloan in his mind. It always helped him sleep in the end. It relaxed him was all.

Andy approached his tower block. When he let himself in he saw the sign on the lift indicating it was out of order. “Aye. That IS out of order. Not on!” Any growled to himself as he approached the stairwell, his clothing dripping on the floor and leaving droplets of rain water around each wet shoe print.

He threw the stairwell door open by punching the door and looked at the momentous climb he had ahead of him. The stairs appeared to go on forever. With a growl of anger he lit a cigarette right there in the stairwell. He didn’t care and if anyone wanted try to stop him he’d put it out right in their face.

He decided to enjoy it before even starting on the long journey onwards and upwards and so there he stood, pacing and dripping and smoking his fag. His mind flickered between all the reasons he was angry and how the entire world seemed to have just had a massive shit all over him.

When he could feel the heat of the end of his cigarette on his yellow stained finger tips he dropped it into the puddle that had accumulated at his feet. The sound of it extinguishing in the water cheered him somewhat. He had already made up his mind to go back to his happy place.

Sloan would help him make it up the stairs. It would be just like training right along side his good mate Sloan. Under his breathe he started to sing one of the more offensive football songs he’d heard in his years following the team. After jogging in place for just a moment he lunged forward and made a point of not skipping a single stair as his feet rhythmically pounded in time to the song.

After two floors he was winded and the words were barely coming out between his wheezing. It was okay though. Sloan was right there along side of him in his imagination and struggling just as hard as he was. He shot him a smile and pretended to get a bit more encouragement from his imaginary friend Sloan before he continued on.

When he was approaching the fifth floor he was struggling so hard to breathe that he had to take a break. His pulse hammered in his temples and his chest felt as though it were on fire. His face was so hot that it looked purple in parts and he felt like his eyes might actually burst from his face if he wasn’t careful.

“Shouldn’t of had that smoke before training.” He looked to Sloan who seemed sympathetic and gave him a gentle punch in the arm. “And this isn’t even the halfway point! It’s no wonder they signed you instead of me.” Andy watched as Sloan took a seat on the step next to him with a bit of a scowl on his face. Sloan didn’t like it when Andy talked that way. Andy knew very well how it worked, Sloan did well if he cheered hard enough. If Sloan played poorly it was because Andy had jinxed it somehow. They needed each other. They were a team. Comments about which one played which part always hurt Sloan though.

Maybe he wore the wrong shirt and effected the game that way he thought to himself. That must have been it. He had to wear the shirts twice before washing them if he wanted Sloan to score and thinking back he’d had to wash this one after he was sick on it a few games ago and couldn’t remember wearing it another time before this match.

He had followed all of the other rituals. He put his left sock and shoe on before his right. That was an important one and had cost him a game once before but he’d done it correctly this time.

He made sure that he hadn’t spoken to his girlfriend Kelly about the game at all. That was a surefire way to jinx it. Birds had no place in football as spectators, players, managers, or otherwise. Just mentioning an upcoming match in their presence meant doom.

It had to have been the shirt that had done it. “I’m sorry Sloan. I made you look like a right burk out there tonight. It’s my fault.” He felt genuine sorrow and guilt for what he’d done.

Sloan gave him a wink and a nod of his head and he knew all was forgiven. “I won’t let it happen again mate.” Andy got back to his feet. “Race you to the next landing!”

Without waiting for a reply Andy took off and was panting again before he reached the sixth floor. He won the race but he was pretty sure that Sloan had let him win even though he was grasping his hamstring where the old injury appeared to be acting up. It did that sometimes on wet days.

“Hurting again? We’ll take it slow for the next few.” Andy was concerned about Sloan. He didn’t want to see him strain himself and be unable to play. Taking it easy was probably the best thing, and he could use the excuse for a break himself. These stairs weren’t going to climb themselves.

The journey was long and hard. Andy had to stop once more on the twelfth floor when the stairwell started to swim before his eyes. His heart was racing and that burning pain had reappeared in his lungs. He honestly felt as though they were on fire. He clutched his chest and sat down a bit too hard, sure he was going to vomit for a moment. Sloan was right there beside him though, reassuring him that he could do it. He would be okay.

That’s why Andy liked Sloan so much. He’d been there for him since that day when he first got signed and Andy defended him in front of some of his work mates that had been die hard Arsenfield fans just as he was. Sloan had made it up to him by winning him some serious money in the world cup and by giving him encouragement when he needed it too. It was a good healthy relationship the two of them had in Andy’s head.

Andy thought of Sloan as his best friend. He was the only one that he could count on when the going got tough. He was reliable which was a lot more than Andy could say about any of his other friends. He used the term friends lightly; most people Andy knew were colleagues, fellow supporters, and acquaintances. He didn’t have any real friends, but it didn’t get him down because he had something better. A winning team, well most of the time, and Sloan.

When Andy did finally make it to the eighteenth floor he was really knackered. It had taken him and Sloan just over an hour to climb to his floor. He knew Sloan could have done it five or six times over and not really shown any sign of being tired, but he was a good mate. He wouldn’t rub it in like that.

Andy dragged himself to room one-eighty-four; his flat. He attempted to get his key into the lock but his heart was pounding so hard from the climb that his hand didn’t seem to be able to stay still enough to get the key in.

That’s when the door flew open in front of him and he was face to face with a boozed up Kelly, who was in a bit of a state. Her eye makeup was trailed down her face from drunken tears and he couldn’t help be see the similarity between his girlfriend standing before him and an angry badger because of it.

“Where have you been all evening? Look at the state of you! You’re drunk again aren’t you! I should have bloody well known!” And with that she had made it past him and was out in the hallway as well. The neighbours would be able to both see and hear everything that followed and normally Andy would care, but this had come as such a surprise to him that he hadn’t even been able to fully comprehend what was happening yet.

“Let me guess, Arseholefield verses Lichfucker at the Buggered Bastard.” She had obviously been lying in wait, ready to pounce the second he came home and ruin the good time he and Sloan had been having. Kelly was always like that. Anything to piss on his cornflakes.

It was a wonder they had even got together in the first place. They had virtually nothing in common. She liked her soaps and going to the gym and trying to keep fit. When she wasn’t doing that she was on the Bacardi Breezers or fancy cocktails with the harpies that she called girl friends.

They were just two lonely bastards in a cruel world that happened to be lonely and bored enough by chance at the same time and in the same place. He bought her a WKD blue and listened to her nag and bitch for a good hour one night and she’d been his ever since.

She had moved in with him a week later and they’d managed to somehow have a relationship; if you could call it that, for the next three months. Andy wasn’t complaining. They both did their own thing and occasionally met up somewhere in the middle for a film or a shag.

“Your pathetic team lost tonight. Oh yeah, that’s right! I heard!” She was absolutely vehement. “I hope you enjoyed the show Andy! Do you know what else today was?” She got right into his face. “It was my bloody birthday you bastard!”

She broke down and sobbed. Andy looked at her, completely clueless as to what to do. He looked for Sloan but it looked like Sloan had left him to his own devices to sort this one out. He tended to o that when it came to aspects of Andy’s life that he didn’t really play any part in. Sure, Sloan made the tabloids for his romps with only the finest of the prossies, and Kelly couldn’t old a candle to any of them.

Going with his gut Andy moved forward to give her a reassuring embrace. She pulled away from him faster than he could blink. She moved like lightning when she wanted to. “Don’t touch me you slob! Go wank it to your beloved Arseholefield! I’m leaving!”

And with that she was gone through the stairwell door before he had been able to get a word in. He stood there dumbfounded. Almost as much so as when she came into his life.

“She’ll be back. She’ll need to collect her things eventually.” He heard Sloan’s voice in his ears. “You can make your move then. Flowers and chocolates should sort this one out.” He looked around and saw him letting himself in without even asking. It was okay with Andy. He was his mate after all.

Andy followed Sloan into his flat. He knew straight away that something was amiss. The living room wall which was normally chockablock with framed photos and posters, most of which were signed limited editions of Arsenfield, had one large gap dead in the centre where the old peeling paint showed through. Andy moved in closer and saw that the remains of the missing frame lay in a pile on this mis-matched armchair.

He picked up the sharp shards of glass and moved them aside before turning over the frame that had been lying upside down. There was the only photo from the wall that hadn’t featured football. It was a portrait of him and Kelly all dressed up from when they celebrated their two month anniversary when they’d gone on a riverboat cruise complete with dinner and drinks in the city. Andy looked closely and saw their innocent smiles.

She had gone all out and had her hair and nails done. She was wearing a figure hugging little black dress that looked absolutely cracking on her. Andy on the other hand was clad in his finest Arsenfield away jersey and a sports jacket with his best pair of blue jeans. She looked like a model. He looked like a fat, washed up, loser.

Andy looked around his flat. He could see the different elements that said that she’d been here. She had helped him put his wardrobe full of Arsenfield shirts in order of year. She had even been the one to buy the frames so that his collection of limited edition posters and autographs were in matching silver frames; one of which lay broken in his hands now.

She’d been the one to get matching throws for his mis-matched settee and arm chair. She’d spruced the place up a bit with cushions and even a vase and fake flowers in Arsenfields colours to add a bit of femininity without clashing.

Andy set the broken picture frame on the scuffed coffee table. He walked to his bedroom, complete with Arsenfield wall paper and matching duvet cover and pillow cases. This was the bed they had shared and probably never would again.

He peeled off his soaking wet jersey, now more soaked in his acrid sweat from the climb than rain, and cast it onto the floor. There was an aching pain in his arms. His heart pounded in his ears. He lay down with his hands tucked below his head which only made his heartbeat seem even louder.

Just what exactly had happened tonight? It seemed like it was going to be such an amazing day and yet everything that had been possible to go wrong appeared to have done just that. Why? “What did I do wrong?” he asked aloud.

“What did you do right is the better question, mate.” Opening his eyes and brushing away the tears that had begun to well up Andy looked up to see Sloan sitting on the edge of his bed. Sloan picked up the crumpled pack of Lambert and Butler that had fallen on the floor when Andy got into the bed.

“Way I see it, you ain’t got nuffin. Shit job, no mates, no bird, no kid. No one to carry on your legacy” Sloan tapped the last cigarette out and crumpled the empty packet onto the floor. “All you got is me.”

Sloan lit his cigarette with Andy’s lighter before dropping it onto the floor as well. He took a deep long drag and then leaned in so close that their noses nearly touched before exhaling a foul cloud of smoke into his face. “And I ain’t even real.”

Pain shot through Andy’s arms and then settled in his chest. His heart beat that was pounding so load only a moment ago was beginning to falter. The pain becoming more and more unbearable.

He was unable to breathe as Sloan placed his hand over Andy’s heart, “The only thing you ever truly loved was me.” Sloan pushed harder and harder against Andy’s heart. “You didn’t care about nuffin else and see what you gone an’ done Andy. Did you even live? Or was I livin for you?”

Something lurched inside of Andy’s chest and his vision began to dim. Sloan smiled at him, his face becoming more skull like with each slowing painful beat of the drum in Andy’s head that must have been his fading pulse.

Andy died as he lived, gazing at something that only he could see the importance of. Something that he couldn’t touch, he couldn’t be, and that he had wasted his life living vicariously through.

The moral of the story:

Live your life. Don’t let anyone else do it for you.

Elsa and her Shadow

Let me just begin by telling you a bit about Elsa; about the person she was and my own rendition of what she meant to me.

Elsa was born in the spring of 1974 to two loving and caring parents, Jim and Grace. She was born in a small town that was just getting its first taste of a recession that would see all but a handful of its then booming industry fade away into nothing but an echo of its former glory.

Her parents did what they could to get by after Jim lost his job in the mill. He worked odd jobs and long hours but there was always a hot meal on the table at the end of the day and though she would get more than her fair share of hand-me -downs and thrift shop school clothing, Elsa never wanted for the necessities in life.

I used to babysit her when her mother would go out for the shopping or running other errands and her father was earning a living. She would help me bake cookies or we’d sit at the dining room table and play board games. If it was a nice day we’d sometimes lay on a picnic blanket in the back yard and look for shapes in the clouds; cloud-watching we would call it.

Elsa’s parents weren’t particularly religious but she still attended vacation bible school for 3 weeks every summer in the non-denominational Christian Church on the corner of Parkview and West every year. She learned songs that she would sing for me and make arts and tell me about the bible stories she had learned.

Elsa was a girl scout. She had a sash literally covered in badges that she had earned by helping out with her mother at Mount Sinai Hospice and Retirement Home. She knitted blankets and even ran a workshop to teach some of the elderly residents how to knit; instead of the traditional role reversal where a grandmother would show a ten year old the magic of the old knitting needles.

She grew just like any other normal child. She went to sleepovers and played with barbie dolls or lego. She had a dog, a little collie cross named Runt that used to run along the side of her when she would take her bike with the purple streamers for rides through Orchard Park.

Elsa did well throughout her schooling. She was on the honour roll and had a high B average throughout school. She played the flute in the marching band and sang in the school choir. Her favourite classes were English and Music.

I knew Elsa from the day she was born and I watched her grow up. It went so fast but I still love to reminisce and stroll down memory lane as though it were only yesterday. I was there when she was out in the front yard in her prom gown, her hair all done up and looking very grown up as she had her photo taken sitting on the porch swing with Jason Bleaks. He looked so charming in his tuxedo, but Elsa looked elegant. She had her mothers smile. It was natural even though she was posing for the camera.

Elsa grew up as all of us inevitably do. She went to college for a couple of years and lived on campus. She would come home to visit for the holidays and it always warmed my heart to see her. She’d lightened her hair and cut it short when she came home for Thanksgiving the first year. I hardly recognised her only a few months after she had gone away! It suited her though. She looked lovely; like she was really enjoying life and the independence had suited her very well.

She came back for Christmas and Spring break. I’d hear the whine of her old Ford station wagon when it crested the hill and know that she must be back again to see her folks. The neighbours would all come out to greet her. It was almost as though we had our own celebrity in the neighbourhood and everyone wanted to catch up and see how she was doing and what college was like. We would ask about her classes and how she was finding campus life.

She returned home for the summer and found a part time job in the local pharmacy. The poor girl must have had to tell the same stories a hundred times a day as people from the area would stop in to fill prescriptions or pick up a bottle of aspirin. It never seemed to bother her though. She’d smile and answer the same questions again and again for the curious customers and make small talk, smiling all the while.

It was on her second summer back home that everything changed. I was washing the dishes from breakfast when I heard the familiar whine of her station wagon and realised it must be Elsa back for another summer at her parents house. I set the pot I was scrubbing back into the sink and dried my hands on the dish towel before making my way down the hall and to the front door.

I saw her darker and slightly longer hair trail behind her as she ran up the front steps and heard the slam of the door across the street. I knew something must have been up but didn’t want to intrude and so I went back to the kitchen and turned on the radio for a bit of company, and to take the edge off of the anticipated conversation that I had been unintentionally readying myself for had been so abruptly called off.

Only then did I hear about the whole ordeal. There had been a shooting at another campus not far from where Elsa had been attending college. Six students and two teachers had died in a murder suicide with details that were still sketchy at best. The entire eight hours that Elsa had been driving home the gory tale was unfolding in the guess work way that most of these stories start out. First blaming Islamic fundamentalists, then falling on to the stereotypical homicidal maniac.

There were calls for guns to be banned. There were rallies being organised by the NRA to keep guns in the hands of decent people with a need to protect themselves from these sort of psychos. There was talk of bombs and suspicious devices being left all over campus. There were people calling for anyone not born in America to be shipped back to wherever they came from. There were churches arranging candle lit vigils while evangelicals claimed that the lecherous party culture of college students in that area had brought this act of god down on the sinners like a plague of locusts.

It was bedlam on all of the airwaves and yet none of us knew what had happened to Elsa at the time. Over the following days people talked. There were hushed conversations out on the street between neighbours that looked at the house as they speculated. I heard stories ranging from her having been on campus at the other college for one reason or another and having witnessed the barbaric slayings all the way to a love interest having been a victim of the massacre; or even that he had been the sick mind behind the barrel.

It turned out of course that it was all hearsay. Elsa was driving home when the incident happened. She didn’t have a boyfriend and she didn’t know a single person; faculty or student, that had been involved in the massacre. She had simply spooked herself as a result of too much caffeine, too long of a drive, too much time alone while she was hearing the story unfolding, and too wild an imagination.

I only found out that much by speaking to her mother one day while she was out walking the dog. The poor woman was distraught. It was obvious she wanted to talk to someone and since I had been a family friend for so long she chose to console in me.

She told me that Elsa was in a bad way. She had managed to get herself so worked up and kept going on about how it could have been her. Elsa wouldn’t leave the house. She spent most of her days in her bedroom and most of her time there crying about what could have been.

Her mother told me of the nightmares she was having. How she would frequently wake up screaming. How no amount of comforting from either her or her husband seemed to make any difference.

During this time friends of hers from college had phoned but Elsa didn’t want to speak to them. She just wanted to be alone with her grief. There was absolutely nothing that anyone could say or do that helped.

Elsa dropped out of college that year. She cited stress as her main reason whenever anyone would ask her about it; once she did finally start leaving the house again that is. It took her mother and father every ounce of strength they had left to convince her that she needed to see a psychiatrist. Not even that helped in the end.

It turned out that the atrocity had been committed by one local and terribly unhappy male student. His parents had divorced. He had been struggling to pay off his student loans. He had suffered bullying about his lack of money throughout his life and one day he just snapped. He decided to take as many of the people he blamed for the hand he had been dealt in life down with him.

Of course the media never apologised to any of the numerous people they had targeted and hassled. The small Muslim community on campus were still receiving regular harassment from students after the claim that the shooter may have been a recent convert to a militant Islamic group that was secretly operating in the area.

Gun sales went up on the whole in the area due to the fear mongering that the media with the help of the National Rifle Association had created. There were billboards asking about the safety of not having a gun and bumper stickers declaring “If they make guns illegal only criminals will have guns” stuck to old chevy and buicks right alongside commemoration stickers reminding us all of the date of the incident and the names of the victims.

It is understandable that a person could hear about a terrible tragedy like that and stress themselves out enough to believe that it actually could have been them that had been there even though they were not. Unfortunately it was only the tip of the iceberg for Elsa though.

After several months of therapy she slowly started to retreat from her shell. We were all smart enough not to say anything to her about it but would ask how she was and she would normally give us a forced smile and do her best to reassure everyone that she was “fine, just fine and dandy thank you”.

In time she resumed her position in Laurent’s Pharmacy. They had expanded their store while she had been away and now also had what was essentially a small convenience store complete with birthday cards, makeup, drinks and snacks, and the staples like milk and bread. The change to store meant that it saw far more custom from the local population since it was within walking distance and had most of the essentials that people wouldn’t see fit to drive all the way into town to pick up.

At first she would work with her eyes down, never saying more than she had to and never initiating conversation with the customers. One word answers were about the best we could hope for and the first time I experienced it myself I welled up with tears. What happened to the little girl that I used to know? Where was that confidence and determination? Had that poor boy that did those terrible things been able to take yet another victim after all?

They say that time heals all wounds and to a certain extent I suppose it’s true that it does for most people. As the months passed and the seasons changed Elsa seemed to make a bit of progress. Her demeanour was still reserved and she shied away from people more often than not. Every now and then though I’d see a glimmer of who she was before.

One day I had to stop into Laurent’s Pharmacy to fill a prescription for antibiotics for a nasty ear infection I had picked up that didn’t seem to want to go away on it’s own. The store radio was still playing Christmas songs at the time even though Christmas had come and gone. I made a reference to a parody of ‘Walking in a Winter Wonderland’ that involved ‘Womens Underwear’ along to the music as I approached Elsa and handed her the money to pay for the drugs and she burst out laughing with a snort that reminded me so much of the unadulterated laughter of her childhood; and the Elsa I knew and loved so much.

Things like that were rare but they happened periodically. I heard similar tales of breakthroughs from other people in the neighbourhood and even from her own family. Sometimes she would laugh at something unexpected and funny. Sometimes she would come out of her shell just enough to remind us that she was still there and that all hope hadn’t in fact been lost.

As it turns out I needed to fill a repeat prescription for that particularly nasty ear infection I’d caught that year. I went to the Laurent’s Pharmacy and when I didn’t see Elsa I knew something wasn’t right. Franklin Laurent himself was there manning the cash register and I could see it in his tired and sullen expression that all was not well.

“Good morning Franklin! How’s Nancy doing? I haven’t seen you since the carolling! Did you have a nice Christmas?” Franklin had never been a man of many words and I could tell by his demeanour that the festive spirit was far behind him. “Ah Marilyn. Good to see you. Yes, thank you. Yourself?’ I was never one for beating around bushes. More a supporter of the ‘better out than in’ school of thinking I decided that there was no harm in asking.

“Isn’t Elsa in today?” He weighed up the damage a response would yield. Shifting his glasses uncomfortably he leaned in so as not to be overheard. “It’s the superbug that the damn reporters keep going on about Marilyn. It’s gone and spooked her just like that damned shooting did.” He straightened up and took the money I had been holding out for him, keeping his eyes down as he made change of a twenty.

“Just one elderly patient dies in hospital in a suspected case of this so called super bug and she can’t come in. What am I meant to do? I mean honestly! I can’t afford to have someone on the payroll when I don’t even know if they are going to be too scared of the bogeyman to be here doing their job! Does she think I’m made of money? I’m still paying for the renovations done last spring!”

He was exasperated but it didn’t stop him from grasping my hand ever so slightly as he slid the change gently into my open palm. “I just don’t know what to do about her. This can’t go on.”

It pained him to say it but I knew where he was coming from. Times were hard and profits were down. He should have been ensuring the shop was running efficiently, taking stock and placing orders, not trying to catch up with it after hours while spending his day doing the job he had employed her to do.

“I’ll see if I can get through to her.” I promised before pocketing my change and taking the plastic bag. The doubt was clear in his eyes and I realised I didn’t have much faith in myself making any difference either, but I was willing to try. Anything was better than just sitting back and watching Elsa wreck her life.

She had already missed out on her college education and all of the potential prospects that would bring and now here she was slowly throwing away her job, her references for future jobs, and hurting people in the community as well as herself. It wasn’t fair to anyone.

As I made my way back along the slush covered streets, careful not to slip and fall on the icy patches, I thought about this fear that she had. She ceased attending college despite having loved it there; and for what reason? The tiny chance that someone might come in with a gun and kill her? Millions of other students get their degree without ever even being grazed by a bullet. Just because it happens once, and she happened to hear about it shouldn’t mean that she should shut herself in and hide from the possibility, which was minuscule, of it happening again only to her this time.

I knew that was just plain silly but what about the super bug? Yes she worked with the public and not just any members of the public but a higher proportion of people that weren’t well and most likely had recently been to a hospital or at least a Doctor’s office. Then again there were many people that simply had repeat prescriptions to fill and hadn’t been to a medical professional for months or even years.

There was also the fact that the number of people that had contracted the super bug was so ridiculously low in comparison to the number of people who hadn’t to bear in mind. Surely the odds of being struck by lightning must have been higher than her odds of contracting the super bug at work would be. I debated saying this to her and realised that she may never leave the house again on a rainy day for fear of being struck by a rogue bolt.

I realised as I hit a particularly slippery patch of the path that there was a real difference in fear that is healthy to feel and what Elsa was feeling. I was mildly afraid that I may slip and go down on my behind, mostly because I was confident that it would hurt. There was also the mild embarrassment I would suffer if anyone saw me as an even milder secondary fear. Technically I’m sure that if I fell at just the wrong angle and perhaps too quickly to get my arms up to cushion the blow that yes, in theory I could slip and fall and hit my head hard enough to die. However, here I was walking on the ice and slipping and sliding my way home because I was being sensibly cautious.

I had my winter boots with good tread on my feet. I had my hands free and out of my pockets so that if I did slip I had more chance to catch myself. My eyes never ceased trying to spot the ice versus the safer patches to walk on. Because I was being aware and reasonably cautious my odds of imminent death on ice were drastically reduced. We all have to figuratively walk on a few icy patches every day, when had this become a problem for Elsa?

I decided that someone needed to tell her this. Someone would have to bring her back to reality. That someone was going to have to be me.

Carefully I climbed the steps to her front door, without even having returned home with my prescription first. I figured that I should do what I could to help her while it was fresh in my mind.

I knocked and waited only a moment before her mother came to the door. “Hello Grace, is Elsa home?” The troubled look she gave me spoke volumes. The scent of harsh cleaning chemicals struck my nose like a tidal wave. My eyes burned with the harshness as Grace stood aside motioning for me to come in.

I kicked the snow off of my boots and wiped my feet on the welcome mat just inside the door. Taking a moment to look around while I did I could see that the problem was a lot worse than I had anticipated.

The house had always been clean but lived in. It had been homely and it felt good to be inside of it. Right then the house looked clinical. There wasn’t a speck of dust sparkling in the beams of sunlight that shone in from the windows. The floors looked like you could eat off of them. The chemical scent was unbearable and I found that it wasn’t only my eyes that were burning but my lungs as well.

“Oh Marilyn! We don’t know what to do!” I wasn’t able to know for sure if Grace’s eyes were streaming from the chemicals in the air or from tears of exasperation. “I’m sorry about the state of the place. She’s been disinfecting everything in the entire house for days now. I can’t stand it! I taste it when I breathe, I taste it when I eat, I haven’t slept in days.”

Grace was close to having a nervous breakdown. She was so barely keeping herself restrained and the bags under her eyes looked like they might be permanent. Though there wasn’t a single speck of dust glittering in the sunlight, I did see clearly that the grey hairs at her temples had multiplied significantly in the few days that it had been since I last saw her.

“I want to help. I was at the pharmacy earlier and heard what happened. She needs someone to talk some sense into her Grace. Do you think she would listen to me if I tried?” She took my coat and hung it on a hook near the door.

“We’ve been trying for months now to get her to be sensible. Nothing works. She won’t even go back to the therapist because of this damned super bug that they keep talking about on the news. It was the only thing that was helping at all and now it’s out because there is this stupid germ that she’s afraid she would get catch that would mean certain death… When did my little girl become so afraid of dying? How did this happen? What did I do wrong?”

I opened my arms to her and held her, gently rubbing her back with my hands as she sobbed on my shoulder. We stood that way for a long time. I let her get it out and feel the support that I was there to give to her and her family. I couldn’t help but feel angry with Elsa for doing this to the people that cared the most about her. If she wanted to ruin her own life with these ridiculous actions that was one thing, but was she so blind as not to see what she was doing to everyone else around her?

I scolded myself for letting the anger of helplessness in the face of the situation overtake me temporarily. Elsa was sick. She wasn’t in control and she needed help. Similar events happen in most families where someone needs help and everyone selflessly pulls together and gives and does everything they can, and they suffer, but that is the bad that we have to take with the good.

“It’s okay Grace. I’m here. I’d like to talk to her and see if I can help.” She pulled herself together with a bit of effort and wiped the remnants of tears from her eye with her hand, sniffling slightly before becoming serious.

“I’ll get her for you but I wouldn’t hold much hope if I were you. Jim wants to take her to a Doctor in Chicago that has been making real progress with people that suffer from Thanatophobia; a fear of death.” “If money is the problem I could help out a little…” She interrupted, “No it’s not that. He mentioned flying there and she had a panic attack. She was babbling about terrorists and the twin towers and… Oh there’s no use! It’s still a Doctor’s Office and bound to be swarming with super bugs. She won’t accept the help and we try so hard to convince her…”

She wiped at her eye once more with the side of her hand. “I’ve been thinking about getting Doctor Stephens to tranquilise her so that we can get her there before she even realise that she’s been out! Isn’t that terrible?” I fished a tissue out of my pocket and handed it to her as she attempted to get herself back under control once more.

“It’s not terrible at all. She needs help Grace. Like I said, anything at all I can do to help her or to help you is…” We were interrupted by the sound of Elsa’s footsteps at the top of the stairs.

She descended and I was speechless. Looking as though she had slept even less than her mother had, the dark circles below her eyes were accentuated by the surgical face mask that she wore to cover her mouth and nose. Her hair was tied back and she appeared to be wearing hospital clothing, like the sort a ward walker would wear.

Seeing her like that broke my heart. The poor girl seemed to be literally dying of fright. “I thought I heard you down here.” She raised her left arm while her right held onto the bannister. She had a spray can and before I could object she gave the downstairs hallway a thorough dousing in disinfectant. I coughed and closed my eyes to protect them while the chemicals rained and added to the stinging feeling I already had from breathing them in.

“Elsa! Stop this at once! We can’t breathe!” Her mother scolded between coughs. Elsa stopped spraying and lowered her hand but wouldn’t come any closer.

“I stopped by to see how you were Elsa. I thought that you might come over to dinner this evening so we could catch up with each other. I’ve got a lovely big pot of stew simmering away and there’s no way I could eat it by myself.” I was aware that I hadn’t thought this through and the words were simply coming to me instinctually. Her mother and father obviously needed a break and it might do her good to get out of the house.

She looked at me as though she were in a bit of a daze. “I can’t.”

“Well if you have other plans I understand. What about tomorrow? There will be plenty left over.” I knew she didn’t have plans but maybe if I made it hard for her to refuse she would just accept.

“No, I can’t eat the stew I mean. Haven’t you heard about CJD? How could anyone eat beef these days? Don’t you know what it does to you?” She retreated by one step, still clutching the banister in one hand and the disinfectant spray in the other.

“Oh dear, I hadn’t realised… What about making some cookies together like we used to? I’ve been a bit lonely recently Elsa and I think it might cheer us both up.”

She retreated another step. “Salmonella. Raw eggs are really dangerous. We don’t have a cooking thermometer to make sure it’s hot enough to kill it.” She jumped at the sound of her own voice when she said ‘kill’, turned, and ran up the stairs without another word. The sound of her sobbing uncontrollably in her bedroom greeted our ears just seconds after the slam of her door.

I turned to her mother, “You’re right. She needs help very badly. You get on the phone to Doctor Stephens and I’ll stay here to help out wherever I can in the meantime.”

With a nod of her head she was away to the kitchen to get the phone. The poor woman just needed someone from the outside to agree with her to make her see that she had made the right decision. She knew that sedation in order to get help was the only thing that was going to work short of locking Elsa up in some sort of institute, but she simply couldn’t see it as the right thing to do without support.

She came back a few minutes later. “Doctor Stephens is on his way here. He agrees that it’s an emergency and that she needs to get help.”

I spent the next half hour phoning airlines and getting details about flights for a sedated passenger and her parents. As it was so close to the holidays not a single airline was able to get Elsa to Chicago for a few weeks and it was obvious that she didn’t have that much time.

Jim came home just as Doctor Stephens was arriving and I filled him in on what was happening while Grace and the Doctor went upstairs to see Elsa. A short while later they returned downstairs. Elsa was deeply sedated.

Doctor Stephens made a point of explaining how imperative it was that Elsa get professional psychiatric help as soon as possible. Apparently she hadn’t been eating or sleeping and he explained that she was so ill that a clump of her hair fell out when he attempted to brush it from her face. “If she keeps up like this she’s going to kill herself.”

Plans were laid out for Jim and Grace to drive the twelve hours to Chicago. I was going to help them pack and then book hotel rooms for their arrival. Everyone got to work and within an hour the car was loaded up and they were ready to set out on their long drive to help Elsa.

I agreed to phone Grace’s cell phone with details of hotels and be on hand for any problems that might arise with directions or anything else I could do to help. They gave me a house key and I agreed to look after Runt, their dog, while they were away.

Jim carried Elsa to the car. She didn’t regain consciousness the whole time as we laid her in the backseat and covered her up with a blanket and propped her head up on a pillow. I stood on the porch with Runt while they got into the car and waved goodbye before pulling out and driving off.

“Well Runt, we’ve got a hotel to book. Let’s go get warmed up. There might even be some stew for you tonight if you’re a good boy.” I locked up and then we crossed the street to my house. It’s scary to think that it was in that short amount of time that it happened and Elsa’s worries were laid to rest.

Grace and Jim had only driven to the top of the street where it joins the main road before they hit a patch of black ice and lost control of the car. It spun and Jim threw it into neutral, just as any smart driver that hits ice would, avoiding that maddening urge to hit the breaks that only make the situation worse. The car spun directly into oncoming traffic and if it had been seconds earlier or later it wouldn’t have made any difference and would have just been yet another vehicle that spins out before continuing even more cautiously on the journey at hand. However they spun directly into the path of an ambulance that was on its way to the sight of another accident brought on as a result of the wintery weather and icy conditions on the road.

They were less than a mile from the house when the accident happened, killing all three of them instantly. There was nothing any of them could have done differently. There was no precaution they could have taken that they didn’t take. They were wearing their seat belts. The airbags deployed. The ambulance was on the scene literally as the accident happened.

At the end of the day Elsa spent the last six months of her life being so afraid of death that she missed out on everything that would have been enjoyable about the time. It wasn’t any media hyped bogey man that got her in the end. It wasn’t Al-Qaeda. It wasn’t a super bug. It wasn’t eating the wrong food, breathing in the wrong air, or being in contact with the wrong customer. It wasn’t a bullet fired by someone on campus. It was just a run of the mill patch of ice on the road she lived on.

If Elsa had gone back to college it wouldn’t have happened. If Elsa had gone to work it wouldn’t have happened. Elsa lived in fear for the last six months of her short life. Elsa’s shadow that she had learned to be afraid of is what killed her in the end.

As I looked out over the congregation I saw not a single dry eye. They had witnessed it just as I had. I left the podium and approached the three closed caskets at the front of the church. “Don’t be afraid anymore Elsa.” I said my final parting words and laid a single white rose on the casket in the centre, just below the photo of the smiling girl I used to know.

The moral of the story:

Live your life. Don’t spend it being afraid of what could be.

Old Mill Road East

“By taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing over it, he is superior.” Anonymous


It was important to find the right rock. You want something easy to carry and concealable in case the police just happen by, or an old lady with too much time on her hands is watching out of a window at just the wrong moment. Too big and you're busted, too small and you only manage a crack at best. A tiny insignificant little 'plink' sound wasn't going to do. I was in the mood for a glorious smash.

There I was, my sleeve already torn, my left palm bleeding from my encounter with the wall. Some sadistic old bastard had planted shards of broken bottles into the cement along the top of it, a good seven feet up; most likely to stop kids like me from climbing over it.

It might have stopped me if I had seen the fucking glass before taking a running leap to get a grip on the top of it. From the base of it I couldn't have guessed that searing pain and bloody lacerations were in my left hands future.

When the glass tore into my palm I very nearly let go as a knee jerk reaction, but luckily some part of me said to just hold on, swallow that pain, and pull myself up. As I strained to do just that, a bit more right handed than usual, I got a good look at the six inch shards that sparkled in the street lights glow. I was eye level with the blue, brown, green, and clear glass that made up a miniature, glittering, and very pointy city, sprawling along the plateau of the thirty feet long by half a foot wide wall.

I only struggled a little to get over it once I knew about the obstacle. A small tear to my hoodie and a good rip in the flesh of my palm were the only victims so far.

Now that I knew what to expect I didn't plan to make the same mistake on the way back. The chain link fence on the other side was recently topped with razor wire but the fence itself had been there since time began, and getting under it was possible, albeit a massive pain in the ass.

I was in the old Parkview estate. It wasn't really an estate, just a few rows of condemned terraced houses that had been falling in on themselves since my grandparents were my age. The place used to be free housing for mill workers before they realised that it had been built on some sort of underground river that wrecked the foundations and the sewage lines. They moved everyone out in a hurry when two foot wide cracks showed up overnight in the walls of some of them.

The place just stayed abandoned. No one wanted to buy a bunch of land just to have to clear off the old houses when they couldn’t build on it afterwards. The mills closed down as the industry moved abroad for cheaper labour. Most of them went bankrupt and with the jobs went most of the people.

A few years back a kid had died falling through the rotted floorboards on the second story of one of the houses. He had just gone in to play hide and seek with some friends. That was back when my parents were my age.

The estate had been sealed off ever since, despite it not really being necessary; everyone thought the place was haunted anyway. The underground river made this sound, an eerie sort of whispering hum and because it was so close to the surface the place also had really thick ground mist a lot of the time.

The sewage problems left the place smelling of sulphur, like the gate to hell might be hidden somewhere within. That, combined with the history of the place, had ensured that the rumours and ghost stories spread like wildfire through this sleepy and ever dwindling little town that had once been a city.

That's why I had come here. I needed a rock; a very special one too. I needed a rock that had death on it, and what better place to find one than a dead old housing estate, in a dead old town, where a very much alive little kid had lost their life?

It was going to be perfect. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end and my skin felt tingly. I was sweating despite the early autumn night being a bit chilly. It was anticipation that sped up my pulse and wet my brow.

The idea had come to me in a dream. Well maybe 'dream' isn't even the right way to put it. Have you ever had a thought while you were sleeping or maybe even while you were that place between sleep and awake; where your mind makes a suggestion? Maybe it plays you a short cinematic clip of you doing something, and you realise that there are no ifs ands or buts, you are going to go and do whatever it was. You don't really have a choice in the matter. It's the best idea you've ever had, or maybe the best dream, or suggestion from some higher power. You can't believe you haven't thought of it before. It is your calling. It is what you must do. It is the answer to everything. It was an epiphany of sorts.

I had one of these for the first time in my life and though I hadn't ever heard anyone else mention them before, I just instinctively knew it was okay. Everything was going to be okay now that I had this plan. The fog I'd been existing in had lifted and I had a purpose.

Afterwards I sat in my room, listening to the traffic speeding around the bend in front of the house, waiting all day for the sun to go down so that I could begin. I thought about nothing else from the moment it had been revealed to me. And here I was, making it happen. Making my dream come true.

My shoes crunched loudly on the loose gravel and broken glass that littered the street. Most of the windows had been broken from time and kids throwing stones. The glass was never picked up, just as nothing else ever was here.

The ground mist was there, thick and soupy, just as it always was. The smell of sulphur was overpowering. I breathed through my mouth as I continued along, passing house after vacant house. There was a mild worry that the fumes I was inhaling were toxic, but I knew I had to come here and because I had been shown the way that I would be safe. I knew I was going to survive this part of the journey because I knew what was going to happen next.

It was dark and the street lights on the other side of the fence didn't cast much light. I had to watch my step and move slowly, navigating around an ancient push mower that had been silently rusting in the street.

I went down once when my feet got tangled in a mess of knotted cables that had been carelessly left out in the road. The sudden pain to my wounded left hand as it automatically darted out in front of me to stop my fall woke me from the trance like state that I was wandering in. It dawned on me that my teeth were starting to hurt from the cold air that they had been exposed to due to the enormous grin that I had been sporting.

I freed my feet and threw the tripping hazard over a picket fence to my right. It landed in the overgrown grass of the front lawn with a thud as I watched it leave a temporary hole through the thick, knee deep fog. That's when I saw the police tape dangling in the gentle breeze from the next houses shutter.

This was it, the place I needed to be. I just needed to get the rock. Once I had it I was finally going to be ready and things were going to be okay again.

Making my way to the cement path that led to the front door I watched that police tape as it writhed like a snake in the misty darkness. It was all that remained to commemorate what happened here all those years ago. There were no flowers or tattered cards or any stuffed bears left at the scene of the accident like you would normally see.

That sort of thing was only left at his grave. The people in this town knew how wrong it felt here even back then. His own parents wouldn't come to the place that their son spent his last minutes alive. I couldn't really understand that.

Then again I was a bit different from the people in this town. I wasn't afraid of this place. I visited the scene of the accident my parents died in every single day.

I couldn't imagine why anyone would be so afraid to be around death. It's something that's been happening since life began. It's something that will happen to every single living thing. It's not like it's new. It's not like any of us have a choice in the matter. Why was I the only one that could see it for what it was? Inevitable. Wasn't it about time we got comfortable with the idea?

I blew the hair out of my eyes in frustration and composed myself. I was never going to understand people and that was just fine with me. I didn't need to. Everything was going to be fine now that I knew what I needed to do.

There used to be glass along either side of the front door of the condemned building. I imagined it was probably decorated with floral trim when it was new. None of it remained anymore so it wasn't likely that I'd ever really know.

I reached my right hand through and unlocked the bolt before turning the door knob from the inside. The door creaked open and I stepped through and into the house without a second thought.

It was dark. Not just the kind of dark where your eyes need to adjust, but so dark that no amount of adjusting was going to help you see your own hand in front of your face. I reached into my left pocket, winced at the sudden flash of pain. Shaking it out and clamping my jaw shut with a pained smile, I used my right hand to fish out my zippo instead.

I flipped it open and lit it along the leg of my jeans. I held it up, spreading my arm in a wide arc to see as much as possible of the room before taking a step forward. The floor beams bounced dangerously and I could feel them sag severely under my weight.

I stepped back into the door frame. This was going to be a challenge. I knew I needed to get further into this house but sometimes straight ahead isn't the answer.

I didn't want to end up like that kid that went through the rotted floor boards; especially since no one knew I was here. No one really knew I was anywhere to be honest. No alarm would be raised for a very long time if anything did happen to me.

The spinning sensation started to hit again. The chimes that only I could hear started clanging loudly in my ears. I hadn't had an episode of this since I had decided to set out and find the rock. If it got me now I knew that all would be lost. Now was not a good time.

Closing the lighter I shoved it back into my pocket. I could feel the heat of the metal against my leg. I balled my hands into tight fists. I let my fingernails dig into my palms; the left being particularly painful. With my eyes closed, making no difference to what I could see now that I was back in total darkness, I fought to take slow deep breaths.

I struggled for control for an unknown amount of time. If I had to guess I'd say at least ten minutes had passed where I just stood there, rocking ever so slightly in the door frame.

I went over the plan in my head over and over again. I followed the path laid out for me from the dream, almost in an out of body experience sort of way. I was lucidly daydreaming. Only when I heard the ghostly anticipation of the smashing sound that I craved so badly did I trust myself to come back to the here and now.

I was still standing; that was a good sign. I hadn't blacked out this time. My jaw hurt from clenching my teeth so tightly together. My left fingers were sticky with drying blood from where I had dug them into the now reopened wounds.

The chimes faded away, and when there was only an echo remaining of them I finally trusted myself enough to open my eyes. The migraine that followed these episodes like thunder follows lightning was just starting to build up to full power. I was extremely grateful for the intense darkness of the house.

Thinking was going to be impossible if the throbbing in my head hit a crescendo. I needed to make my move now or wait until it had subsided enough to carry out my mission. Though I knew I could wait it out, breathing in the noxious fumes all night didn't sound like a whole lot of fun.

I dug the zippo out of my pocket and lit it again, wincing against the small amount of light that its naked flame cast in front of me.

My internal monologue changed to short bursts of fact. I needed to get to the next room of the house. Walking across the floor would see the floor giving out. If I exited the house in search of a back entrance I would have to go completely around the entire street since all of the houses were connected. If I took the time to do that I may find myself in the recovery position on the street, in a puddle of headache induced vomit when the sun came up. It would be at least another night before I could finish my mission.

I simply could not wait that long. I gave myself a mental kick in the ass and looked for a faster paced plan B.

Holding the zippo up I scanned the room again, this time trying to see it properly for how it could help me.

There was a love seat against one wall. An ancient television with a large wooden frame and a broken screen stood against the opposite wall. The middle of the room had nothing but broken glass, a broken ceiling tile, and a threadbare old rug.

I stood in the doorway and thought about it while I fished a pack of cigarettes out of my right pocket and lit one before putting the zippo out. The cherry of my cigarette brought the faint outline of the furniture from the darkness of the room as I inhaled.

The answer came to me as I took the final drag, tracing the edges of the television with my eyes. I threw the butt out the door behind me and took a very cautious step sideways.

The floor boards moved a little but this close to the wall they were more reinforced than out in the middle of the room. I kept the edge of my boots flush against the wall as I took another side step, my hands searching the wall behind me for anything I could hold onto if this plan did fail for any reason.

The only reason the sparse furniture in this room hadn't gone through the floor itself was because the rotten boards still had the tiniest bit of life left in them at the edges of the room. If the TV could stay on this floor, I could. I probably weighed about half as much as it with the massive wooden cabinet that it had been built into anyway.

Edging my way around the room was fine as long as I had a window frame or other wall feature to hold on to. As I was carefully inching around the television and holding onto it for dear life the floor let out a mighty moan of displeasure.

I realised as I clung to it that if the boards didn't stop sagging, that I was going to end up in the coal cellar with the television following to ensure I was squashed to death even if I did survive the initial fall.

I took a gamble. Spreading my arms wide in hope that I would not only reach the door that I couldn't see any longer, and only remembered being here from the dim light my zippo had bathed the room in; but that I might be able to hold onto the frame to take some of the weight of my impact.

It was about three feet to my right if memory served me and I really hoped it did. If the floor was bad there the force I'd hit it with meant I would be going through; but what I didn't know carried a lot less risk than the impending doom of staying where I was as the boards continued to arch further under the combined weight of the television and myself.

I wasn't even sure if my eyes were open or closed any longer as I screamed silently in my own head and hoped with all I was worth that my feet would find purchase.

Seconds after I was airborne several things happened at once. There was a flash of pain as I bit my tongue, hard. The copper taste of my own blood filled my mouth. Then there was the surprise that I had landed at all and appeared to be on solid(ish) ground.

I didn't even have a chance to appreciate my good fortune before the screeching boards behind me gave way with several loud cracks in quick succession like firecrackers. It was followed by the cacophonous thundering splash of the ancient television slamming into the obviously flooded coal cellar below. The house shook violently from the force of it.

I was panting now. The sulphur was far stronger. It’s acrid stench burned my eyes and nose. At least I knew my eyes must be open if they were streaming with stinging tears.

I held on to the door frame letting the adrenalin have a moment to course through my veins unhindered. I desperately wanted to light my zippo and see if the next room held what I was nearly sure it did, however I was worried that the fumes that had my eyes and nose running may prove to be flammable if I did.

Aware that the migraine was still charging up to full power I forced myself to stand up properly and take charge of myself once more.

I was surprised to see that there was in fact a small amount of light coming through the window at the opposite side of the room. The moon was just bright enough to make out the fireplace on the right side.

The excitement at this find combined with the adrenalin made me almost giddy. I nearly walked straight toward it despite how narrowly I had just avoided a one way trip through the floor only minutes before.

My wet eyes were begging me to look down at the hearth but I resisted just as I resisted walking straight to it; by the skin of my teeth. I dragged my eyes up the chimney breast instead. My view of it was cut short by the skeletal fragments of floor boards jutting downwards in disarray.

This was the place where it happened. The life of a child had been extinguished in this very room. I had made it this far, it was time to collect my prize.

Edging my way cautiously to the right with my hands gripping only tattered, peeling wall paper behind me; I began the final stretch at an agonisingly slow pace. Step by step and inch by inch I came closer to the intersecting wall. Every step of the way I was aware of how badly I wanted that rock.

The boards groaned in agony under my weight; the fresh hole in the last room most likely decreasing the level of structural support drastically. I don’t know where the patience came from when every fibre of my being screamed to run for it, grab the rock, and dive out of the nearest window. Leave the sulphurous death trap to fall in on itself and to hell with what remained of it as long as I got what I needed and then got out in one piece.

I couldn’t though and I knew it. This part of the mission was the delicate part. Taking time now would have its rewards; my life continuing being a big one.

As I made the turn in the corner of the room that saw me now only a few feet away from the side of the fireplace I finally allowed myself to look at the base of the fireplace.

The moonlight shone in through the window frame in a beam that was not unlike a spotlight. The stage was the hearth and the star of the show was what I was here risking life and limb to retrieve. I was at the mercy of its beauty.

Leaving caution to the wind I took the final steps and was standing on the thick marble before I could realise what I was doing.

I squatted down and had my zippo out and lit all in one fluid movement. I could only look at it at first, such was my awe. My jaw literally fell.

I was directly below the gaping hole with rafters dangling precariously from the large section of missing ceiling above me. This is where it happened.

Fifteen years ago, a boy that was a few years younger than I was now had come here with two friends. They were doing what young boys do, playing and doing so in a place that they weren’t meant to be. The ghost stories that were alive and well even before the accident that day had drawn them in just as they always do.

His name was Jack Sykes. He was twelve, not yet a man and holding onto those last vestiges of childhood; running, hiding, seeking, and just having fun outdoors with friends. It was the turning point in life where you know those things won’t be acceptable for much longer. Soon after you have to be serious. You have to be an adult. You have to be a man.

The boy and his friends had made it into the Parkview estate via the old chain link fence. They had been playing hide and seek. Jack was it.

There were so many excellent hiding places here. You could spend days looking for someone. That’s how he came to be on the second floor of this house. It’s how he managed to fall through a floor so weak that it couldn’t hold a child’s weight even then, fifteen years ago.

Here before me is where he met his maker. As the boards gave out below him and he frantically clawed at them, trying with all his might and leaving only the bloody scrapes of his fingernails as evidence of his struggle; he fell. He landed hard, but not hard enough to go through the first floor and into the coal cellar below. The hearth which broke his fall and was structurally sound enough for it to end there. It also broke his skull in the process and ended his life instantly.

And in return his skull broke the hearth; well at least a part of it. There was one perfect equilateral triangle of the white marble with its deep red veins separated from the rest of the rectangular stone. There wasn’t anything to back up why I knew it would be here. The dream had told me it would be and I knew it would be there.

I picked it up with reverence; the way a holy man would handle a holy relic. This was it. The white of the marble sparkled in the moonlight.

It was cold to my touch and smooth as I ran my finger along its polished edge. The three deep red veins in the marble looked almost like a face when I turned it on its side. One made up a large oval eye and the other looked to be a closed slit as though it were winking. The third line made its mouth; a neutral straight line with the faintest hint of a smile in one corner.

It was perfect. It knew what I intended. It realised its purpose and seemed to wink knowingly, accepting its fate to do what it did best. Hell who was I kidding, it looked as though that was what it wanted.

The rock fit comfortably into the pocket of my hoodie; snug enough that it wouldn’t fall out, but loose enough to not rip it any further than I already had on the wall.

I put the zippo into the pocket of my jeans and then tried to figure out the safest, quickest, and easiest way out of this death trap that I no longer needed to be inside of. The moonlight was bright enough to see the way to the window and I decided to take the careful and cautious route to it instead of perhaps two leaping bounds that would have seen me reach the window far quicker; provided I didn’t end up going through the heavily rotted floor boards leaving my own fingernail signature on the boards as I went.

Half an hour later I was walking along the path behind the row of houses. My prize bounced gently against my hip bone as I waded through the waist deep mist in the moonlight.

I walked in the opposite direction I had come from and had to keep moving slowly due to tripping hazards hidden in the fog that I hadn’t already encountered.

When I finally reached the chain link fence I had to continue along it for a good twenty yards before I found a good enough trench to crawl under. I made it to the other side with another small rip in my hoodie but none in my flesh this time.

Once I was back on my feet I worked on pulling the rock out of my pocket. I knew that feeling it in there was enough to ensure it was safe but I needed to check on it. This maddening urge to just make sure it was okay was overwhelming.

My head was beginning to pound like a base drum playing a slow and steady beat so I gave in and allowed the illogical urge to be satiated. I even made excuses for myself by admitting I hadn’t been in the best light to have a proper look at it.

Something made me close my eyes as I pulled it from my pocket and brought it in front of my face. I took a deep breath, held it for a moment and then opened them as I let it out.

For a moment I was so startled I nearly dropped it. The sinister little grin that I had imagined in the blood red veins of the marble was totally different. There weren’t three lines making up a face on that rock; there were thousands of detailed tiny lines providing intricate shading depicting a very realistic very human face looking back at me.

It was as though a photograph tinted in only red and white had been laminated onto its smooth surface. Thinking it might in fact be that I used my thumb nail to try to peel the edge off but found that there was no edge.

A young boy stared back at me from the flat triangle of rock. His eyes were wide with horror, or was it anger? His mouth was set in a straight line.

There was something truly terrifying about what I saw there. I lowered the rock to my side and ran toward the closest street light a short distance away; refusing to look at it again until I was in the brightest possible light on this dark October night.

I didn’t close my eyes this time and instead brought the rock up into the light watching with a sick combination of anticipation laced with intense dread and fear.

It simply didn’t make sense. The thumping in my head pounded harder, louder, faster; my confusion seeming to anger the war drum of my migraine into action.

I didn’t know what I had thought I’d seen only a moment ago but the three veins were definitely there now. The sinister face winked at me from the sparkling marble just as it had inside of the derelict house. Only… Did it move?

There was the oval shaped eye and the slitted winking eye just as I remembered. The mouth was somehow different though. The menacing little half smile was no longer drawn up only on one side. It was more of a full grin now with both sides drawn up like a bow.

“What the hell is going on?” I muttered it, barely audible; partially at the rock but more to myself. The pounding in my head was unbearable, it had accelerated into a nearly solid sound. A tidal wave of dizziness washed over me.

I shivered. Raising my head slowly I realised I was lying on the ground. It took me a moment to figure out that I was still there under the streetlight. It was still dark and the ground mist had rolled out through the fence blanketing me as I lay there for who knows how long.

My head hurt but in a different way than it had. My right temple throbbed but the deep rooted pounding appeared to have finally abandoned me. Upon gently touching it the blood on my fingertips informed me that it throbbed for a reason.

My hand went to my pocket but only felt my zippo there. In a flash I was back on my hands and knees feeling around in the thick mist. I couldn’t lose it now! Not after all of that!

I hadn’t lost it though, I felt it with my right hand on only my second attempt of patting the wet grass where I had been lying. Raising it up into the light I was in for another surprise; the face of the rock had changed again.

There was a small trickle of blood on the corner of the marble from where I had hit my right temple when the migraine had caused me to pass out and fall. However, the three red veins had definitely changed. Both of the eyes were slitted lines now. The third previously smiling mouth line was now agape at the edge of the small trail of blood. It was as though it was being sick; or was the flow meant to be moving the opposite way? Was the rock bloodthirsty? Perhaps it made sense after all.

It was surprising just how comfortable I was with my interpretation of the ever changing rock face. I wasn’t afraid of it any longer. It was all going to be okay again. After all, who wasn’t a little bloodthirsty on this mission?

Slipping the rock back into my front pocket I lit a cigarette and continued on the journey I had been meaning to make before the dreaded migraine took charge and floored me. The gentle rhythm that the weight in my pocket beat against my hip as I walked was comforting.

I knew it would be good to get moving because a lot of the time the migraines were like earthquakes; one would come along unexpectedly and knock me to the ground only for a smaller aftershock to be on its heals. Though I wasn’t sure how long I’d been out cooled, I did know I was running out of night and didn’t want to waste another minute if I could help it.

It didn’t take long to make it across town. The place was normally quiet but you could easily imagine being the only living person left on the planet while walking through at this time of the night. Not so much as a stray cat stirred. The only sound was total silence broken only occasionally when I stepped on gravel that would skid under my boot. Even that tiny sound made me jump each time it happened.

I turned left on Old Mill Road East and started jogging. It wasn’t far now. The weight in my pocket beat against my hip with slightly more force now and each time it connected I could feel it wanting me to push a little harder. Before I knew it I was sprinting the final two miles out of town towards our destination.

Sudden bright light in my eyes and the deep rumbling sound brought me back from reliving the planned events of the night for the millionth time. I threw myself into the ditch at the side of the road just in time. The truck didn’t stop, hell it didn’t even brake; but that was nothing new.

I picked myself up again and dusted the dried leaves and dirt off before continuing at a fast walk. The urge to run was gone as the road curved sharply to the right; directly in front of what remained of my house.

Just two weeks ago is when it happened. My parents had been complaining for a few years at that point. Letters had been written to the council and the roads services but every one of them fell on deaf ears.

There was money to be made and every attempt to rekindle the ashes that remained of our once proud and prosperous city was being exhausted. One family, unhappy with the amount of traffic suddenly diverted onto the completely inappropriate road in front of their house was never going to change their minds.

Night and day big trucks loaded with all manner of cargo would hurtle around the bend in front of our house without ever slowing down. We had witnessed a jackknife last winter that had killed the driver when the icy conditions didn’t even discourage driving at top speed around that bend.

Once while walking to school early in the morning, a speeding truck lost part of its load and nearly hit me in the process on that curve. I received a grunt which I assume was meant to serve as an apology, before the driver went back on foot to collect it; leaving his rig in the middle of the road. Despite the flashing lights he nearly caused a really bad accident when another truck sped up to go around the hairpin curve and only missed us by sheer luck.

Our perfectly safe neighbourhood had become an accident waiting to happen; and all to make some money to keep the city alive. My parents were a blood sacrifice to keep the city alive. It was that tiny rerouting of trucks that cost them both their lives.

School had only started again for about a month or so and I was there when it happened. I was sitting in Ms. Keelens Algebra class, trying to figure out what N was equal to today. It was just a normal day. Nothing indicated it was going to be any different from any other.

There was a knock on the classroom door and the school nurse asked me to gather my things and come with her. I kept wondering what I had done that I could have been in trouble for. They didn’t tend to pull you out of class unless it was something really serious. Every possibility from the last month flashed before my eyes and for some reason I was sure skipping Geography last Friday afternoon and sneaking out an hour early had caught up with me.

I was in the nurses office sweating bullets; trying to figure out how I could get out of whatever trouble I was in. Nurse Jacksen offered me a glass of water which I accepted more to play with and look at than to drink.

And then she broke the news that a truck had been speeding around that bend when the brakes failed or maybe the driver fell asleep, and “Oh honey I’m so sorry” but my parents were in the house when the truck plowed into it. They died instantly.

I just sat there trying to understand this foreign language she had had just spoken. I wasn’t in trouble for skipping class last week? Nurse Jacksen looks like she’s going to cry instead of give me a stern telling off followed by a punishment?

She started telling me about child services and how they were on their way and would be looking after me. There was mention of a new place to live and time off from school and offers for assistance if I needed anything at all.

As it all started to sort of make sense but still felt dreamlike and unreal I somehow managed to make it to my feet. I told her I needed to use the restroom and have a few minutes to myself and I’m not sure where those words had come from. It happened all by itself.

I watched as my body walked out of her office and down the hall to the boys room. I felt like I was just sitting back comfortably numb in my own mind as autopilot took over and tried to navigate this horrible storm of dizziness where nothing was real or right anymore.

Before I knew it autopilot had directed me past all of the stalls and urinals and sinks and just kept on going right out of the second story window. Autopilot picked us up from where we landed on the cement and didn’t even register the scrapes along our elbow and knee. It carried on walking to the wooded area that eventually led to the back of my house.

I was vaguely aware that I might get in trouble for jumping out of the window at school and essentially running away, but I didn’t really care. What were they going to do? Tell my father? Oh wait he’s dead remember; what about my mother? Oh yeah, she is too. Maybe they’ll just have to send a letter to my house? Perhaps they can deliver it right into the exhaust pipe of the truck that happened to be sticking out of my living room.

From where I hid in the woods I saw everything that was going on at my house that day. I watched them struggle to move three bodies out from the side window. I saw them using enormous towing vehicles to winch the truck back and out of my house. When the front of the second floor caved in on the gaping hole that was now my living room, that is when the silent tears started. Oddly news of the accident or even witnessing the body bags hadn’t been able to start them but watching material possessions falling down onto other material possessions did.

I was disgusted with myself. I fell asleep where I was.

Over the next two weeks I lived rough and on the run. Sometimes I would sneak into the back of the house and raid the kitchen. Other times I would climb the tree and sneak into my bedroom in the back of the second floor.

I even slept in my own bed a few times after the accident; always listening out for the police who had been looking for me throughout the entire two weeks I had been missing. It was there in my own bed that I had the dream or whatever it was. The dream that now saw me passing by what remained of my home, rock in hand, and ready to finally make that dream come true.

As I passed by I took one last look at all that remained of my previously fairly normal life. As though in response, the left window pane of my parents bedroom chose that moment to fall with a satisfying crash of glass against the destruction below it. I smiled, squeezed the rock in my pocket, and started to jog once more.

When I reached the overpass the light was just starting to change on the eastern horizon. I stopped in the centre of it and looked down at the road below. There was a drop of at least twenty feet.

I pulled the rock out and aimed it at the ground below before bringing it back to myself so I could see what it thought about the location I had just shown it.

Just as before the red veins had changed. There was no sign of the blood I had spilled on the rock when I fell.

Now it’s eyes were both open wide and slanted slightly downwards at the centre. It’s mouth was no longer so much a line as a thick open grin, detailed so finely that I could even make out the sharp teeth around the edges of it.

The rock appeared to approve. That made two of us.

I finished my last cigarette just as the two lights appeared off on the horizon. Putting my foot inside of the railing at the edge of the overpass I started to climb. When I was crouched on top of it I brought the rock up close and whispered to it.

“Are you ready?”

There wasn’t any response but I felt that it was. I was as well. It was time for them to listen up and listen good.

When I could just see the tacky, white, ‘trucker babe’ decals at the corners of the glass, with the shadowy form of the driver behind them, I launched myself into a standing position and threw the rock as hard as I could at him.

I threw like I had never thrown anything. There was so much force in it that I doubled forward, my arm feeling like I had ripped a muscle; my feet slipping off of the railing.

A deeply satisfying smash greeted my ears. I heard every crack as the glass fragmented into thousands of individual pieces. The parts that hit the road tinkled in a beautiful high pitch as the separating of the individual fragments had its own chime-like splendour.

Tears of joy blew back across my temples as the strong wind whipped past my face.

Above all else I savoured the look on the drivers bloody face as I came through the glass a split second after the rock smashed it for me.

He would never speed on Old Mill Road East again.

A Dream

What follows is my first endeavour in script writing that I wrote in March. This is the first draft, completely unedited, however the story is what's important.

A DREAM

FADE IN ON:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE - BASEMENT

Wires, computer screens, paperwork, heart monitor, medical equipment, cameras, and printers set all around the room. No space is left empty apart from a neatly made cot-like bed.

CUT TO:

NATHAN O’DETTE

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT - BED

A man in his early twenties with a thin dark moustache and sparse beard is lying on his beck on the makeshift bed. His hair has a shock of grey despite his obviously young age. His eyes are closed but are moving quickly from side to side.

NATHAN (V.O.)

I have this dream.

His eyes spring open, a look of determination in his eyes.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS DORM - BASEMENT - COMPUTER

Nathan’s back as he sits on the edge of the bed typing feverishly on a keyboard. Various graphs and code are on the screen in front of him, sitting atop his desk.

He is wearing plain navy blue pyjamas, blue slippers, and wire frame glasses. His hair is dishevelled.

NATHAN (V.O.)

I’ve been having it all my life; the dream that is; vividly.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

Colours are warped. There is the impression of trees around but they are glowing orange and red, flickering. The backdrop/sky is a deep dark blue but not natural looking for the sky. There is a hissing sound, very loud.

The view spins around and around getting faster as it goes. There is a thudding sound, rhythmic and building in speed from very slow to very fast as this happens.

LITTLE GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaaaaathan. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaathan.

CUT TO:

INT. A CHILDS BEDROOM

Nathan as a young boy of roughly eight years is sitting up in bed.

NATHAN AS A CHILD

(Screams)

No! Help! Someone please!

MOTHER enters the room and turns on the light. She rushes to his bedside.

MOTHER

Nathan! It’s okay I’m here honey.

She puts her arms around him protectively.

MOTHER

Was it a nightmare again?

He wipes the tears from his eyes and lets her hold him.

NATHAN AS A CHILD

(Guilty expression)

Uh huh.

MOTHER

(Troubled and worn out)

Oh Nathan, this can’t keep happening.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHIATRISTS’ OFFICE

Very professional looking room with certificates and degrees framed on the wall and oversized leather seats.

NATHAN AS A CHILD sits on one of the leather seats, accentuating how small he is in comparison; his feet barely reach the edge of the seat.

A young attractive woman in her late twenties dressed in a business suit sits in a seat facing him.

PSYCHIATRIST

Your mother tells me you’ve been having bad dreams Nathan.

NATHAN AS A CHILD nods his head yes. He looks scared

PSYCHIATRIST

Could you tell me about them?

NATHAN AS A CHILD shakes his head no. The PSYCHIATRIST leaves her seat and goes to her knees on the floor in front of him, trying to make him more comfortable.

PSYCHIATRIST

Why not Nathan?

NATHAN AS A CHILD looks at her perplexed.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

And therein lies the rub.

CUT TO:

INT. WAITING ROOM

MOTHER ushers NATHAN AS A CHILD toward a toy box in the waiting room

MOTHER

I’ll be back in just a moment honey. You wait here.

MOTHER leaves via the Psychiatrist’s Office door. Nathan selects a toy car and pushes it along the floor, only mildly interested.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I couldn’t. It wasn’t possible for me to explain them. How can anyone describe a dream accurately? It would take a skilled artist days to accurately portray just one still scene; one nanosecond of a dream; and even then it doesn’t take into account the other senses that the dream world involves. Those often overlooked and quickly forgotten aspects; the smells, the sounds, the general feeling, the atmosphere; how did they expect a child to be able to tell them anything if an adult overlooks these important details when recollecting the most basic visuals.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHIATRISTS’ OFFICE

MOTHER and PSYCHIATRIST are sitting in the large leather chairs, facing one another

PSYCHIATRIST

(Looking at clip board)

Mrs. O’Dette, does Nathan ever talk to you about what he sees in these nightmares?

MOTHER

No. I’ve tried to get him to tell me about them. He just tells me that he can’t though. I don’t know why. He’s obviously having them, more recently it’s been two or three times every night.

PSYCHIATRIST

(Peering over spectacles)

And has anything happened in his family life that might be considered traumatic or difficult for him to come to terms with?

MOTHER

(After a pause)

Well… Well there is the fact that his father passed away in a car accident. He was only an infant at the time and couldn’t possibly remember that though. The dreams only seem to have become a problem in the last couple of months.

PSYCHIATRIST

(Making notes)

I see. Is there any sort of father figure in his life?

MOTHER appears uncomfortable

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

Of course, blaming my upbringing for why I was unable to explain the dreams was the first port of call. Having a father figure would have had such great effect on the ability of a young boy to portray what as of yet cannot be explained with any element of accuracy by the best Doctors and Scientists in the field.

MOTHER

He sees his grandfather; my father that is, every weekend.

PSYCHIATRIST

(Getting up, pacing)

You see Mrs. O’Dette, I believe Nathan is actually trying to communicate that he is unable to remember the dreams. He most likely forgets them upon returning to consciousness. This is most likely stemming from the fear; the lack of security that he feels at the moment without a strong male role model present in his life.

MOTHER

(Tearful)

So you’re saying…

PSYCHIATRIST

I’m saying that the dreams should go away once he feels like he’s protected and safe.

MOTHER

How could I do that though? What would you recommend?

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

Thus I was enrolled in karate classes…

My mother started dating shortly after that, which neither of us appeared to enjoy very much. The nightmares never went away but I learned a lot about the art of keeping them to myself.

CUT TO:

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL

Students are milling about and making their way into the building in small groups.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I became steadily obsessed with them.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY

Teenage Nathan is checking out a small stack of books including a dream dictionary, a psychology of dreaming, and one on sleep cycles.

LIBRARIAN

Are these for an assignment Nathan?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Sort of…

LIBRARIAN

(Peering over glasses inquisitively)

Sort of?

TEENAGE NATHAN

It’s a project in biology. I wanted to get some extra credit.

LIBRARIAN

(Doubtful)

I see.

She takes the dream dictionary in hand.

LIBRARIAN

Take this one with a pinch of salt.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Surprised)

Why’s that?

LIBRARIAN

Because it’s not science… It’s just myth and lore and lacking in factual content. Read it by all means but bear in mind that a lot of the information you will find on the subject is superstition and entertainment.

She takes the psychology book in hand.

LIBRARIAN

Even this one.

TEENAGE NATHAN looks wounded by this revelation.

LIBRARIAN

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars and change the world.” In the wise words of Harriet Tubman.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Disheartened)

What do you mean by that?

LIBRARIAN

(Smug)

Isn’t that obvious boy? I mean take the bull by the horns. If you have an interest in something, and that something appears to be poorly researched and represented, perhaps you need to conduct the research to find the facts for yourself.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I didn’t know it then but this was the moment my life gained a purpose and direction.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at a table with other students. Most others are eating. Nathan is writing in a notebook, taking notes from conversation.

TEENAGE NATHAN

Do you remember anything else about the dream you had last night?

BOY

Not really. That was pretty much everything that happened

TEENAGE NATHAN

Okay, so you’ve told me what you saw in the dream but what about your other senses?

BOY

(Confused)

What do you mean?

TEENAGE NATHAN

I mean, did you hear anything? Did you smell anything?

BOY

What are you talking about?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Getting aggravated)

What colour was the sky. Did you smell the plants in the forest as you were running? Did you become thirsty as you ran?

BOY

(Bewildered)

It was just a dream Nathan! How am I supposed to remember things like that? I just wanted to get away before they caught me.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Determined to get more information)

Okay, so there was an intense need for escape. Were you afraid? Were you thinking about the different paths you could take through the forest or was it like a set path without any options?

BOY

(Getting up)

What the hell Nathan? It was just a dream.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Getting up as well)

Just a dream?

BOY

(Defensive)

Yeah! It was just a dream. It doesn’t matter.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Angry now)

It’s more than that. Doesn’t it bother you that we don’t know more about them? Doesn’t it worry you that we forget them so easily?

BOY

(Getting angry as well)

To be totally honest Nathan, it doesn’t. I don’t care. No one cares about shit like that. Why do you?

TEENAGE NATHAN

I care because it’s important. There are so many unanswered questions.

BOY

Look, never mind. Forget I told you anything to start with. You need help Nathan.

BOY storms off to another table, taking his lunch with him. Other students are staring and giggling.

TEENAGE NATHAN gathers his notebook and makes a hasty retreat without making eye contact with the other students.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I realised something.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY

TEENAGE NATHAN and the LIBRARIAN are in a heated discussion

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Frustrated)

How am I supposed to get facts when they won’t tell me what I need to know?

LIBRARIAN

Perhaps you need to work on your bedside manner.

TEENAGE NATHAN

What’s that supposed to mean?

LIBRARIAN

Have you thought about your approach? Obviously this is something you feel passionately about, but other people don’t appear to share this passion. There are ways of talking to them, getting them to share your interest or open up without force.

TEENAGE NATHAN

How can I do that though? They don’t tell me anything but the basics, so I push them for more details and they look at me like I’m crazy.

LIBRARIAN

Perhaps you’re being a little overzealous.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I’m not overzealous! I just want to know more and I’m sick of people not cooperating with me.

If only I could get into their heads… I’d have my answers then.

LIBRARIAN

Then get into their heads.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Bewildered)

But how could I possibly do that?

LIBRARIAN shuffles through paperwork on their desk selecting a colour brochure and handing it to Nathan

LIBRARIAN

What sort of after school activities are you involved in?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Looking at the brochure)

Do you really think this would help?

LIBRARIAN

I wouldn’t have suggested it if I didn’t.

LIBRARIAN removes their glasses and leans forward.

LIBRARIAN

Listen to me Nathan. This is an elite programme for top performing students. I know you have the grades to back it up and I fully intend to put your name forward because I can see the hunger for knowledge in your eyes.

You are a young man obsessed with getting the answers to your questions. It’s something as an educator that I feel passionate about. It’s rare. A student like you comes along once in a life time. I don’t intend to miss the opportunity.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Determined, smiling)

I won’t let you down.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN and MOTHER are sitting at the kitchen table having dinner.

MOTHER

So what’s the catch then?

TEENAGE NATHAN

There doesn’t have to be a catch does there? Can’t good things just happen?

MOTHER

(Rolls eyes)

You know what I mean Nathan. It’s going to take up a lot of your afterschool time. Your grades aren’t going to suffer are they?

TEENAGE NATHAN

They haven’t so far, and now I have more reason to make sure they don’t. It sounds like it’s going to be really good for me. I’m sure it would look good on college applications too.

MOTHER

(Surprised)

Since when did you start thinking about college?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Raising an eyebrow)

I only have another year of high school left after this one. It’s crossed my mind once or twice.

MOTHER

Alright mister, there’s no need to be sarcastic. I’ll sign the forms.

TEENAGE NATHAN smiles and passes them to her

MOTHER looks them over before signing

TEENAGE NATHAN

There that wasn’t so hard now was it?

MOTHER

(Laughs)

Oh, I see your father in you more with every passing day.

An awkward atmosphere descends. Eye contact ceases.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Getting up from the table)

I’ve got a report I need to finish for English tomorrow. I’ll be home late from the new course so don’t worry about dinner.

MOTHER

Alright honey. If you need any help let me know okay?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Over his shoulder as he leaves the room)

I will.

TEENAGE NATHAN leaves the kitchen.

MOTHER puts her head in her hands and cries.

CUT TO:

INT. NATHAN AS A TEENAGER BEDROOM

Same room as he had as a child only the children’s things have been replaced with things more appropriate for a teen, and the brightness has been taken away with black out curtains.

Nathan is sitting in bed and flipping through a notebook by lamp light. There is a stack of them nearby with ‘DREAMS’ and dates along their spines. Each notebook appears to cover between 3 and 6 months. There are many.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

The English report had been done several days before. I was a smart kid and school work never took me long. I just tried not to draw attention to what I was really doing. It was easy enough.

There is a gentle knock on the door

MOTHER O.S.

Can I come in honey?

TEENAGE NATHAN closes the notebook in a hurry, and shoves it and the rest of the pile under his bed.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Nervous)

Um, just a second.

INT. HALL NEAR NATHANS BEDROOM DOOR – CONTINUOUS

MOTHER

(Embarrassed)

That’s okay. I just wanted to let you know that I have to be at work early tomorrow so I won’t be able to see you out in the morning. Goodnight and good luck tomorrow. I’ll see you when you get home and you can tell me all about how it went.

TEENAGE NATHAN O.S.

Okay. Goodnight.

MOTHER lingers for a moment before thinking better of it and then departs, slightly disturbed/embarrassed.

INT. NATHAN AS A TEENAGER BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS

TEENAGE NATHAN turns off the lamp and lies back in bed.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I knew what she thought. It was better that than having her worry about the truth though. I hid my obsession in the way that other kids my age were hiding theirs, fully aware of how unhealthy my own was. I didn’t want her to worry.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA

TEENAGE NATHAN sits alone writing in a notebook.

BOY from earlier is sitting next to a girl. He throws his drink carton at TEENAGE NATHAN to her amusement.

TEENAGE NATHAN gives him a dirty look and then gets up, drying the notebook off on his trousers.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I didn’t really care about anything else. I was onto something bigger and far more important. Socialising, making friends, impressing girls; all of that was but an echo in the background for me. Other people were just a nuisance; a hindrance that slowed me down in my mission to get the answers I needed.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEW SCHOOL

TEENAGE NATHAN steps off of a bus and looks up at the impressive building of the new school that he’s signed up for the afterschool programme with for a moment.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I was scared. Not of the new environment. Not of the new people. I was scared that it would be just another dead end to add to the list. I didn’t want yet another possibility to end in my own disappointment as everything else seemed to.

TEENAGE NATHAN takes a deep breath before making his way toward the entrance.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHOLOGY CLASS IN NEW SCHOOL

Several students sit in seats sporadically around the room. No one is talking; all are preoccupied with writing or reading. The instructor is nowhere in sight.

TEENAGE NATHAN selects a seat at the front, a good distance away from anyone else and takes out a notebook.

Suddenly there is laughter around him. He nervously looks around to find that the others are looking at him.

PROFESSOR NURMES

(Getting up from a desk)

You must excuse us Nathan. You’ve just played a part in a small experiment. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Professor Nurmes and I’ll be your mentor for the duration of your time here.

PROFESSOR NURMES makes their way to TEENAGE NATHAN and shakes his hand warmly.

TEENAGE NATHAN isn’t sure what to make of this.

PROFESSOR NURMES

(Moving to the front of the room and addressing the class)

Now, what have we already learned about Nathans personality based solely on what we’ve seen so far.

TEENAGE NATHAN turns in his seat. He is relaxing but interested to hear what the class says.

A girl several seats back looks around her and then answers without raising a hand.

DIANE

(Making eye contact with Nathan as she speaks)

I’m going to say introverted, most likely intuition, thinking, and based on falling into that trap without noticing I’d say judgement is higher than perception.

DIANE smiles at him.

PROFESSOR NURMES

Are you aware of Myers-Briggs Nathan?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Facing Diane still – over his shoulder)

Actually I’m INTP last time I took the test.

He smiles at Diane before turning around in his seat again.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(To Professor)

How is it possible to deduce the result without the test though?

PROFESSOR NURMES smiles and starts to explain.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Everything felt right in my world once I entered that class. I was on the right path. It wasn’t just another dead end.

TEENAGE NATHAN looks over his shoulder at DIANE. They smile at each other.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Things were different there. The people were nothing like the ones I had to spend my days with normally. I found myself paying attention to the world around me all of the sudden in ways I hadn’t been able to before.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN

MOTHER is sitting at the kitchen table as TEENAGE NATHAN enters the room.

MOTHER

(Getting up)

I was starting to worry. How was your first day?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Going straight to the refrigerator)

It was really good.

MOTHER

(Trying to make herself useful)

I could microwave the leftovers if you want.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Making himself a sandwich in haste)

No that’s okay. I got it. I’m in a bit of a hurry to be honest. I have homework.

MOTHER backs away, somewhat defeated

MOTHER

Well if you’re sure sweetie. Don’t you have a few minutes to even let me know what it was like?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Begrudgingly)

It was good. I’ve got a psychology course with a Professor. The people are really friendly. I probably learned more today than I did all year in normal school to be honest.

TEENAGE NATHAN takes a seat and starts eating in a hurry.

MOTHER

(Taken aback)

Really? It’s that good? Do you think it might be too advanced? I don’t want to see your grades suffer or anything.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Snappily)

Look, it’s not too hard. I can do both. I have to.

TEENAGE NATHAN realises he is out of order

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Apologetic)

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t snap like that. Maybe I’m still just adjusting to it. I mean it’s only my first day right?

I did really enjoy it. It’s challenging and I’ve needed a challenge lately. I really like it there and I won’t let my grades slip.

MOTHER

(Perplexed)

Okay honey. I was just worried, that’s all. You know what’s best for you. Don’t forget I’m here to help too though alright?

MOTHER comes over as TEENAGE NATHAN finishes the last bite and gives him a hug.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Tenderly)

I won’t. Try not to worry so much though. I’m a big boy.

MOTHER

(Laughing)

I know. It’s something I’m just going to have to get used to isn’t it.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I suppose so. I’ll catch up with you more soon. I just really need to get to work so I can keep those grades up.

TEENAGE NATHAN gives her another quick hug and then leaves.

MOTHER looks thoughtful but amused.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY

TEENAGE NATHAN and the LIBRARIAN are sitting at a table.

LIBRARIAN

So you’re enjoying it?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Very much so

LIBRARIAN

I had a feeling that you would. It’s a lot different than it is here isn’t it.

TEENAGE NATHAN

You can say that again. No one has thrown anything at me to impress a girl there. When I ask a question there I get an answer, or at least another question to help me find the answer for myself.

LIBRARIAN

(Nodding)

Yes. You are among students that are at the same stage in their education that you are there. Here you are bored. That doesn’t mean that your classmates are stupid by any means, it just means that you are at a different stage in the game than they are.

They could still prove to be very useful to you if you know how to use the resource correctly.

LIBRARIAN looks at him inquisitively to see if he has understood.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Thinking)

I think I follow what you’re saying.

LIBRARIAN

Clever boy… Now get using that resource while it’s still at your disposal. Master your technique. Here is the place for honing the skills you will need later in life.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA

TEENAGE NATHAN scans the room and locates BOY visually, then takes a strategic position at a table nearby with a few other students, so that he is facing BOY.

DARK HAIRED GIRL

(Friendly)

Isn’t your name Nathan? I think we had Biology together last year.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Looking slightly preoccupied)

Yes, Mr. Drakes class. You might want to lean to your right for just a second.

DARK HAIRED GIRL is confused. TEENAGE NATHAN reaches across the table and gently pushes her to his left with his left hand on her shoulder.

TEENAGE NATHAN catches an apple that’s been thrown at them with his right hand. It would have hit her. He doesn’t miss a beat and takes a bite from it.

DARK HAIRED GIRL

(Surprised – assesses what happened)

Did he just throw that at me?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Enjoying the apple)

He threw it, I don’t know about at you though.

DARK HAIRED GIRL

(Suspicious)

How did you know he was going to?

DARK HAIRED GIRL looks to friends sitting nearby. All seem thoroughly impressed.

BLONDE GIRL

(Sitting beside Nathan)

He had only just glanced over before he threw it. How did you do that?

TEENAGE NATHAN shrugs before getting up from his seat with a new found air of confidence.

TEENAGE NATHAN

It was in his body language. Don’t mention it.

TEENAGE NATHAN walks to where BOY is sitting and brooding. He carefully places the apple core square into BOY’s lunch.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Smug)

Thanks. It was delicious. Next time it’s my treat.

TEENAGE NATHAN turns and leaves the room. The other students are speechless.

BOY gets some bullying from friends sitting nearby.

BLONDE and DARK HAIRED GIRL seem impressed and laugh, obviously discussing TEENAGE NATHAN.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I learned to use my resources. My social skills left something to be desired until I learned that the students were just another ingredient in my experiments. It was not unlike when preparing Agar Jelly in a Petri dish to grow cultures; you had to handle them a certain way and prepare them correctly in order to get what you needed from them, otherwise the experiment was ruined.

Close up of BOY angrily taking the abuse of his friends.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

And once an experiment was ruined, it’s often better to just start over.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHOLOGY CLASS IN NEW SCHOOL

PROFESSOR NURMES is walking amongst the class. They are sitting in groups of two. DIANE and TEENAGE NATHAN are sitting side by side working on a project.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I took to the new school like a fish to water. I excelled in my courses there as time blew by.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHOLOGY CLASS IN NEW SCHOOL

The class is seated; PROFESSOR NURMES is at the front. DIANE and TEENAGE NATHAN are sitting in desks next to each other.

PROFESSOR NURMES

I’m pleased to announce that the project results are in and I’m impressed with the work that you’ve done this year. I will give you them in just a moment, but first, as you know tomorrow is our last day until Autumn, and as most of you are already studying heavily for your exams in your ‘full time’ schools I won’t make it too difficult for any of you.

PROFESSOR NURMES goes to the black board and writes for a moment.

Close up ‘What do you want to achieve?’

PROFESSOR NURMES

It’s been left open for you to take your own meaning from it on purpose. However, there is a second part.

PROFESSOR NURMES turns once more and writes.

Close up ‘And what will you do to ensure that you do’

PROFESSOR NURMES

All I want is for you to know the answer before you walk out of this room tomorrow. I’m not asking for a report or an essay. I have not clarified the question by specifying anything. Perhaps the answer could be, ‘I plan to learn to speak German and I will enrol for lessons with Herr Schmidt next year to ensure that I do’. Then again the answer could be much more than that.

You should all know yourselves well enough at this stage to see that I asked this question knowing that none of you would have a simple answer for the sake of just being finished. Is there anyone that this question has not struck an immediate chord with?

PROFESSOR NURMES looks around the classroom. A bell is heard in the distance. No one moves.

PROFESSOR NURMES

That’s what I thought. Class dismissed. Don’t hurt yourselves trying to find the answer tonight.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEW SCHOOL

TEENAGE NATHAN is walking toward the bus stop. DIANE catches up with him.

DIANE

You already know the answer don’t you?

NATHAN

(Smiling with the surprise of her company)

Have you assessed me so well already?

DIANE

(Flirting)

Maybe I just pay attention to things that interest me.

NATHAN

(Flirting back)

Perhaps that’s how I’m able to be fairly sure that you, on the other hand, haven’t answered it yet. Will you be up late thinking about it?

DIANE

Most likely… I’m impressed. You learned fast.

NATHAN

I had help; a good teacher and even better partner in class work.

They reach the bus stop.

NATHAN

(Realising time is running out)

So what do you have planned over the summer? Do you want to get together sometime maybe?

DIANE

Oh have you assessed me enough to know how I’d answer that, thus getting the courage an introvert would require to ask the question in the first place?

NATHAN

(Smiles)

Is that a no?

DIANE

Well, to be honest it has to be a no for now, though your assessment was accurate as always. My parents are taking me abroad with them this summer. I’ll be in Africa helping out with crop experiments. They’re working on desertification and trying to develop crops that can withstand the spread.

NATHAN

(Slightly disappointed – false happiness)

Oh, interesting! If you get bored and fancy a pen pal I’d love to hear all about your time there.

DIANE

(Smirks)

Perhaps… What about you though? What are your plans for the summer?

The bus is pulling up beside them. They notice it.

NATHAN

(Rushing)

I’ll tell you all about it tomorrow.

TEENAGE NATHAN turns to leave. DIANE pulls him slightly aside before he can board.

DIANE

(Troubled)

What? No kiss?

They share a very fast kiss before DIANE departs in hurry, leaving no time for reaction. TEENAGE NATHAN boards the bus.

CUT TO:

INT. ON THE BUS – CONTINUOUS

TEENAGE NATHAN looks out the window after her as the bus pulls out. She’s long gone. He gives up, looks straight ahead and smiles to himself but is troubled.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I knew the answer. I just didn’t know where everyone around me fit into it yet. Diane was another of those good things that came with the school. I hadn’t anticipated any baggage but I was sort of glad to have it anyway.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN comes in. MOTHER is stirring a pot on the stove.

TEENAGE NATHAN

Mmmmm, smells great.

MOTHER

It should be ready in a minute. How was school?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Setting the table)

Good.

MOTHER

(Pushing for more)

Tomorrow is the last day isn’t it?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Preoccupied)

Yeah.

MOTHER brings dinner to the table and serves it. TEENAGE NATHAN starts eating.

MOTHER

(Visibly bothered by lack of conversation)

You’ve been going to that school for months now and I still don’t know a thing about it. You’ve been really distant since you started going. Is everything okay?

TEENAGE NATHAN reaches into his backpack on the back of his chair and withdraws an envelope. He hands it to MOTHER.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Resuming eating)

I scored honourable mention on my project and passed the finals with top marks. It’s not that I’m being distant; it’s just that I have been thinking a lot more since I enrolled.

MOTHER

(Impressed)

That’s excellent honey! I’m so proud of you! I suppose you’ll be continuing when classes start again?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Definitely! It’s really helping me to see what I want to do with my life.

MOTHER picks at her dinner. Her disposition changes from optimism to troubled. TEENAGE NATHAN is finishing the last of his dinner.

MOTHER

Nathan, about that; you still want to go to college don’t you? Do you have any ideas about what you want to go for?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Picking up on the issue)

Of course I still want to go. I’ll need to start applying soon. I’ve been looking into Neuropsychology and Oneirology.

MOTHER

(Surprised)

You want to be a Psychologist? Oneirology?

TEENAGE NATHAN

I want to study the mind during sleep.

MOTHER

(Troubled more so)

What brought about the interest in that?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Takes a deep breath)

Do you remember when I was a kid and I was having those nightmares?

MOTHER

Of course! How could I forget that! You frightened the life out of me. They haven’t come back have they?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Thinks for a moment – makes a decision)

To be honest they never really went away. I just learned to live with them.

MOTHER

(Upset)

Oh Nathan! Why didn’t you tell me?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Reassuring)

I learned not to be afraid of them, that’s all. I didn’t want you to worry about me. They were just dreams after all. I’m interested in learning more about dreaming in general because of them. It’s not a bad thing.

MOTHER

(Unsure)

You still should have told me Nathan.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Indignant)

It was for the better. That Psychologist just wanted to put loads of blame on you for why I was having them. I knew that even as a kid. Besides, this is going to be my career someday. It’s better that they didn’t stop. It’s been building up experience for me. And who knows, maybe research I do will mean that some other family won’t have the guilt and blame to deal with from a bad diagnosis.

MOTHER

(Really taken aback)

You really think that it’s better that you kept them from me? I just wanted to help you.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Comforting)

I know that. I knew that then too. Don’t worry. You aren’t a bad parent or anything. You did everything for me. I like dreaming though. I just had to mature a little, that’s all. Look at me. I’ve turned out just fine.

TEENAGE NATHAN gets up and hugs MOTHER.

MOTHER

(Proud)

You’ve turned out better than fine.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I’ll get into my choice of college and you’ll see for yourself that everything is okay.

MOTHER

(Getting teary)

That’s the problem. I have some savings together for your education but it’s not a lot.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Reassuring)

It’s okay. There are grants and loans I should be eligible for and I could always look for a job over the summer.

MOTHER

(Hugging him again)

You’re a good kid Nathan.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I know.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

And relax… My secret was out. Mother was consoled. Things just managed to fit together like that. Diane was interested but had to be away. I would have a job to keep myself busy with during the day time and the dreams were always there for the night.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHOLOGY CLASS IN NEW SCHOOL

Class is seated. PROFESSOR NURMES is addressing them from the front of the room.

PROFESSOR NURMES

Good afternoon class. Welcome to the last day of semester. I trust that you have all completed your assignments? Has anyone been unable to find the answer?

PROFESSOR NURMES looks around the room. With hesitation DIANE raises her hand.

DIANE

(Looking down)

I didn’t.

PROFESSOR NURMES

I admire your honesty Diane. Would you mind coming to the front and discussing your research with the class?

DIANE gets up and walks to the front but not before TEENAGE NATHAN flashes her a supportive look.

DIANE

(Nervous)

Well… I’m fairly sure that the question was asked with the intent for each of us to have an immediate thought flash up as the problem statement, the topic for what we would want to find the answer for.

When I thought about what achievement I would like to make I had multiple scenarios play out in my mind all at once. I tried to group them together, however there is only one word that could really describe them accurately and I felt that it would be a bit of a cop out.

PROFESSOR NURMES

Why would you think that though? The beauty of the question is that it doesn’t have to necessarily have a complex answer. You’re over complicating it.

DIANE

(More to Professor than class)

Then the thing I want to achieve could be summarised as just happiness then?

PROFESSOR NURMES

(Smiles)

Of course! It’s a very sensible answer actually. It’s as loosely defined as the question itself.

DIANE

(Confident)

In that case, the different scenarios that played in my mind the moment the question was asked are the things I will do to ensure that I achieve my goal… I suppose I do have the answer after all. Thank you Professor.

DIANE goes back to her seat slightly embarrassed but happier. A weight has clearly lifted from her shoulders. She smiles at TEENAGE NATHAN as she sits down again.

Class continues to be taught.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I found myself hoping I was one of the things that would contribute to her goal being achieved and it made me feel strange. My own goal was far more selfish and she didn’t have anything to do with it… yet.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEW SCHOOL

TEENAGE NATHAN rushes through a crowd of students to reach DIANE as she is walking away from the school.

He hands her an envelope.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Out of breath)

I thought I’d missed you. Here, it’s my contact details for while you’re away, in case you do want to write or send a post card or anything.

DIANE

(Pocketing the envelope)

Thanks Nathan. Sorry I stormed off. I guess I just had a lot on my mind after that.

TEENAGE NATHAN

You did really well up there.

They reach the bus stop and cease walking.

DIANE

Well I guess this is goodbye until next semester. I’m glad our paths crossed. Take care of yourself while I’m away. I’ll keep in touch.

DIANE leans in for a kiss and TEENAGE NATHAN is prepared for it, this time resulting in a longer one.

TEENAGE NATHAN

Stay safe while you’re over there. I’ll miss you.

TEENAGE NATHAN boards the bus and it pulls off while he watches DIANE from the window.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

And thus began my final summer of freedom before my own education, finances, and research took away the much needed break and free time. I managed to get a job but I was working for future spending, not as a necessary way of keeping myself afloat.

CUT TO:

INT. FAST FOOD ESTABLISHMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN is in a terrible uniform serving customers from behind the counter.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

It wasn’t something to be particularly proud of but it helped me get some funds together to help pay for the looming debt I was going to put myself into.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAM SCAPE

Scene opens looking down at the ground from about ten feet above it, floating slowly. Trees pass on the right and left. They are glowing orange and red. The ground is a smooth mass of orange and red that flickers, somewhat hell-like. There is a loud crunching and hissing sound with a slow rhythmic thumping overtop. The sound of strong wind is also audible.

The ground begins to come up to meet the camera. The flashing orange and red becomes more intense.

When the camera finally reaches the ground the entire screen goes red for a moment and then fades to black

LITTLE GIRL

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaaaaaaathan….

CUT TO:

INT. TEENAGE NATHANS BED – NIGHT

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting on his bed and writing furiously in a notebook (dream diary). He is in pyjamas, his hair is dishevelled, and there is sweat on his brow. He has just awoken.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

My summer consisted of working, nightmares, recording the details of the nightmares and…

CUT TO:

INT. TEENAGE NATHANS BEDROOM – AFTERNOON

TEENAGE NATHAN is dressed and tidy in appearance. He is looking at a postcard with a picture of a grass hut and a clear blue sky. He turns it over. It reads:

I’m staying in accommodation much like this. It’s always hot, even at night. The wildlife and insects are really interesting. I have a lot of photos to show you when I get back.

Miss you!

Diane xoxo’

TEENAGE NATHAN adds it to a small stack of postcards on his bedside table.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

…Hearing from Diane about her travels. She moved around too often to be able to give me an address to write back to her, and there was no option of phone or email either. I missed her and wanted to write but then realised I didn’t really have anything to tell her about.

Dear Diane, I went to my McJob and served McFat to McCustomers. Then I came home, showered the stale grease off, read about dreams or psychology, slept, and woke up abruptly from yet another nightmare that scared the life out of me. Then I wrote yet another account of the dream in a notebook. Rewind, repeat, ad infinitum. It wasn’t something I was keen to share to be honest.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY

TEENAGE NATHAN and the LIBRARIAN are standing near a book shelf speaking to each other.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

Before I knew it summer was over and I was starting my final year of high school.

LIBRARIAN

I heard all about the work you did there. Your test results were exceptional. I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me.

So tell me, are you looking forward to the new semester?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Very much so! I’ve heard that we’re going to be doing a lot of field work at the county hospital this year.

LIBRARIAN

Yes! Though I doubt there will be much work in the field your interested in it’s all related in various ways. It’s just up to you to make the connections and bridge any gaps.

TEENAGE NATHAN

It will be good to get the experience. A foot in the door won’t hurt either.

LIBRARIAN

It certainly wouldn’t.

Tell me Nathan, have you looked into any Polysomnography courses while you were researching colleges?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Nowhere local seems to be offering any. I sent a few inquiries to the Neurological Science Departments but so far it isn’t looking very promising.

LIBRARIAN

That’s what I thought. I came across something you might be interested in at a seminar recently. You’d have to relocate but the programme sounds promising and is right up your alley.

LIBRARIAN goes to their desk a short distance away and returns with a college brochure, handing it to Nathan.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Skimming the brochure)

You weren’t kidding about having to move. I’d have to fly just to visit over the holidays!

LIBRARIAN

It’s a small sacrifice to make if it means your dreams could come true.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Mutters)

Let’s hope that never happens.

LIBRARIAN

I’m sorry?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Nothing. You’re right, this is perfect for me. Do you think I’d be successful if I applied?

LIBRARIAN

(Gives him a look)

What do you think?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I’m probably more qualified than most people. Still, they make it sound like it’s a really exclusive programme.

LIBRARIAN

That’s because it is. To the best of my knowledge nothing else in the country comes close to what they are offering. That’s why I want you to take your time applying and make sure that you get accepted.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Thoughtful)

All right, I’ll do my best.

TEENAGE NATHAN puts the brochure into his notebook.

LIBRARIAN

(Smiling)

That’s all I ask. Good luck Nathan.

TEENAGE NATHAN

Thanks! I’ll need it!

TEENAGE NATHAN departs.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

Who was I trying to kid? We both knew I was going to get in without any problems. My IQ test results were off the charts. All of the courses I had taken, including the extra curricular classes were in my favour. The Admission test and aptitude tests I could have done in my sleep. I had been studying to get into this course since I could read and maybe even before that given the subject.

The fact that such a course was brought to my attention, just like several of the other obstacles in getting there had been passed through no doing of my own. It was like I was predestined to get into that course.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEW SCHOOL

TEENAGE NATHAN gets off of the bus and walks toward the building. He sees DIANE and heads straight for her. She is tan and her hair is lighter from being in the sun so much over the summer. DIANE is talking to a small cluster of students from the class.

When she sees him she runs toward him and jumps into his arms and kisses him on the cheek.

DIANE

(Happy)

Oh I’ve missed you so much!

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Happy as well)

I missed you more! I followed your trip with all of the postcards that you sent! It sounded amazing! I wish I could have written back to you!

DIANE

So do I! I wasn’t even sure if you were getting them or not but I kept writing every time I could, hoping that you were!

TEENAGE NATHAN

It’s so good to have you back! You look great!

TEENAGE NATHAN steps back to admire her. She smiles.

DIANE

I told you it was sunny!

So how have you been? What did you do all summer?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Nothing nearly as interesting as you! I had a full time job flipping burgers. I’m saving up for college. I’m thinking of going here!

TEENAGE NATHAN takes the brochure out from his notebook and hands it to her.

DIANE

(Concerned)

So far away?

TEENAGE NATHAN

I know. It’s the only course like it in the country though and it’s exactly what I want. I don’t even know if I’ll get in to be honest but I need to try.

Remember the last day of the course? This is pretty much a summary of my goal.

DIANE

(Hands the brochure back)

Well good luck with it! Who knows, I might end up going somewhere like that as well. I haven’t had much time to look yet.

PROFESSOR NURMES approaches.

PROFESSOR NURMES

Diane, Nathan, it’s good to see you both again. I hope you have retuned refreshed and recharged and ready for a fast paced and far more difficult year ahead.

TEENAGE NATHAN and DIANE nod in agreement.

PROFESSOR NURMES

(Addressing entire class gathered in front of the school)

Class! Can everyone gather round please?

The students gather closer and stop talking.

PROFESSOR NURMES

(To class)

I am going to show all of you where we’ll be taking lessons. We’re going over to the North Street entrance of the county hospital. You can see the tall building just over there.

PROFESSOR NURMES gestures diagonally across the street to the building in question.

PROFESSOR NURMES

(To class)

We will be having all of our lessons in the hospital this semester. Only exams will be done in the school. Please ensure that you all arrive promptly to the correct building. You will all have uniforms and ID cards that you will be required to wear at all times when inside of the hospital…

PROFESSOR NURMES leads the students toward the hospital before the scene and sound fades.

FADE TO:

INT. HOSPITAL

All of the students have their ID cards and are dressed in hospital staff clothing. They are receiving a tour of the facilities by PROFESSOR NURMES and a Doctor.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

Working in the hospital wasn’t easy by any means but the work was rewarding. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that in the noble way, I mean it in the purely greedy sense.

CUT TO:

INT. ELDERLY PATIENTS ROOM IN HOSPITAL – CONTINUIUS

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I didn’t care if I was helping the people there.

CUT TO:

INT. COMA WARD IN HOSPITAL – CONTINUIUS

Machines flash and beep. Wires and tubes are connected to the patients. TEENAGE NATHAN is taking notes as a Doctor explains them.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I was in it for the information I was able to get on the equipment and how it worked, the illnesses that the patients had, my bedside manner, and of course anything at all that I could link to my own needs.

CUT TO:

INT. PSYCHOLOGY DEPARTMENT IN HOSPITAL – CONTINUIUS

TEENAGE NATHAN sits taking notes as a Psychologist has a session with a patient.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I was selfish, yes, but I was also working for free.

The session finishes and the patient is shaking hands with the psychologist and then Nathan as well.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

Everyone got something out of the deal.

CUT TO:

EXT. PICNIC BENCH IN PARK

TEENAGE NATHAN and DIANE are having a picnic. They pause to throw bread to ducks that have come close to their position beside a lake. DIANE is in a summery dress. They are laughing and talking.

ADULT NATHAN(V.O.)

I started to see Diane more often. Every weekend we managed to do something together. I was still working as well but I liked spending time with her. We’d talk about class and things we were studying. She was the first girl I had really been interested in and we got steadily closer. Neither of us wanted to be away from the other any longer than we had to. She even found a Psychology course that she was interested in at the same college that I was planning to attend. She applied for it along with several others.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at a table surrounded by many students. He appears to be interviewing one of them. All around are paying attention as he takes notes. BLONDE GIRL and DARK HAIRED GIRL are in attendance.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Very professional)

And when your tooth fell out in the dream what did you do with it?

The student he is talking to is answering while he takes notes and nods his head and appears interested.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I practiced using my resources and getting more answers. I still ended up feeling like my thirst for knowledge just couldn’t be quenched. With each analysis I did I became steadily more angry at the lack of attention people paid to their dreams and their tendency to just forget them and think nothing of it. That anger consumed me and pushed me harder to find what I was looking for.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN and MOTHER are sitting at the kitchen table having dinner. He has deep bags under his eyes and looks exhausted.

MOTHER

(Concerned)

Are you feeling alright honey? You look worn out.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Perking up slightly)

Yeah I’m fine. I’ve been really studying lately for finals.

MOTHER

Maybe you’re taking on too much. You’ve got two schools, the work in the hospital, your job, and a girlfriend on top of that. You’d probably do better at the others if you dropped one of them.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Snaps)

I’m not dropping anything. I need the classes. I need the job to pay for college. I need the girlfriend to keep me sane while I work through to the end of all of the other things.

MOTHER

(Cautious)

Okay Nathan. I’m just trying to help.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Still angry)

I can’t just give up on this. Yeah, I’m tired now, but it’s nearly over and then it will all pay off. You’ll see.

MOTHER

(Defensive)

I know you’re more than capable of puling through this. I was only trying to help you. I’m your mother; it’s in the job description!

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Stands up)

Well look, I don’t need your help. I got myself this far and I’ll do just fine without you helping me; if that’s what you want to call it.

TEENAGE NATHAN storms off leaving MOTHER at the table. She bursts into tears.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

The view is from the ground looking upwards. The tops of trees are visible all around and they glow red and orange, flickering like a strobe light. The sky is a strange unreal deep blue and there is a very red mist-like fog trailing across it.

A roaring sound is heard continuously. There is a thumping sound on top of it steadily accelerating until it almost becomes a solid sound instead of a beat.

LITTLE GIRL

(Ethereal)

Nathan, you have to…

The scene shimmers and fades, then refocuses.

LITTLE GIRL

(Ethereal, pleading)

Come with us.

The scene brightens steadily until blindingly bright.

CUT TO:

INT. NATHAN AS A TEENAGER BEDROOM

TEENAGE NATHAN sits bolt upright in bed, covered in sweat and breathing hard. He gets up and looks under his bed. It is completely full of notebooks with dates on the binding. The dates that were previously spanning up to six months per notebook are changing to smaller increments of time. The most recent three are only one week each.

He picks up a fresh notebook and starts writing frantically.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

The more work I did to reach the goal the harder my subconscious seemed to fight me from being able to reach it. I was dreaming more often than I was sleeping. My mind just wouldn’t shut off. I was tired all of the time. I even felt tired in the dreams.

Somehow I kept at it though. I recorded every detail. There was no sensation omitted from the detailed accounts that I diligently recorded. I had every sense covered. I knew what my dreams smelled like; an acrid, lung burning scent that brought tears to my eyes. I knew what the ground felt like; freezing cold and hard. I knew what I thought about during them; torn between two conflicting paths and weighing up the pros and cons of each one.

Inevitably I always chose the same path before I woke up. I wanted to work on lucid dreaming. I wanted to see if I could change the ultimate conclusion that I reached time and time again; if just for the sake of an experiment; a change of scenery; something new to record. I hadn’t been able to though. I was too tired to be able to concentrate enough to do it.

CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at the table gulping down black coffee and eating toast. MOTHER enters with post.

MOTHER

(Handing him a letter)

This came for you.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Zombie-like opens the letter and reads)

I’ve been accepted…

The news appears to perk him up.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Excited)

I knew I would! This is fantastic! Look!

MOTHER

(Skimming over the letter)

Congratulations honey! I knew you would!

TEENAGE NATHAN gets up and hugs MOTHER. She appears to be false happy but not obvious to him in his excitement.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Finishing his coffee in a hurry)

I need to let everyone know. I’ll leave now so I have time. Have a good one.

He throws backpack over shoulder and rushes out taking the letter with him. MOTHER has a troubled expression.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL LIBRARY

LIBRARIAN is sitting at their desk with a coffee. TEENAGE NATHAN rushes in.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Excited- waving letter)

I made it! I’ve been accepted!

LIBRARIAN

(Examining letter through spectacles)

I knew you would. How does it feel?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Thinking for a moment before answering)

It feels like my life has finally found direction. I know what I want to do; I have things set up nicely to make it happen. Basically I feel like I’m on top of the world and things couldn’t get any better!

LIBRARIAN

(Smiling)

Things can always get better and they can always get worse. Be careful. You’ve earned your day on cloud nine, but don’t lose focus by thinking its all downhill from here. You have many more mountains to climb before you reach your goal. I have every faith that you will if you keep working hard though.

The LIBRARIAN notices something in Nathan’s face and reaches for his chin, taking a closer look at him.

LIBRARIAN

(Serious)

However, part of reaching that goal is the responsibility of taking care of yourself so that you are able to keep working toward it. You have been overworking yourself recently.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Defensive)

I’m fine! Honestly, I can do this.

LIBRARIAN

Nathan. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror recently? The bags under your eyes could hold luggage. You’re pale. You’ve lost weight.

I would really recommend ensuring you are in perfect health before you embark on this adventure. Once you start, you won’t be able to afford getting ill and needing time to recover. It’s best that you rest now so you can get the most out of this. Otherwise it could all be for nothing.

TEENAGE NATHAN considers this for a moment.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Giving in)

I suppose you’re right. There’s only a few more weeks left before summer. I think I’ll give up the job and maybe move out there early to find a new one so I can have time to relax before classes resume again.

LIBRARIAN

(Pleased)

That sounds like the best idea. Rest up now; you’re going to need to be ready to work even harder when you get there.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL DANCE – HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM

TEENAGE NATHAN is dressed in a black tuxedo and walks in with DIANE on his arm. She looks beautiful in a long gown. Music plays, lights are low, balloons are everywhere and the gym has been well decorated.

They make their way onto the dance floor and join in on a slow dance.

TEENAGE NATHAN

You look really beautiful tonight. I’m glad you came.

DIANE

(Smiles)

Thank you. You look fantastic yourself. I wouldn’t have missed this for the world; especially since we have to be apart again for the entire summer.

A moment of obvious discomfort for both of them passes. They continue to dance.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Trying to be positive)

You’ll be with me soon. I’ll find a nice place and you can come and stay with me when you get there in September.

DIANE

Do you mean it? Wouldn’t having me there all the time distract you from your studies?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Flirting)

Some distractions are good for me.

The slow song ends and a faster one begins. They make their way off of the dance floor as other couples make their way onto it.

TEENAGE NATHAN spots the LIBRARIAN chaperoning and leads DIANE over to introduce them.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Proudly – to LIBRARIAN)

I’d like to introduce you to my girlfriend Diane.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(to DIANE)

And I’d like to introduce you to the person that was behind me meeting you to start with, and helping me to find meaning in my life.

LIBRARIAN takes DIANEs’ hand and squeezes it in greeting. DIANE swoons at the introduction. LIBRARIAN seems pleased as well.

LIBRARIAN

It’s a pleasure. Are you both having a good time so far?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Euphoric)

It’s wonderful. What a fantastic ending to remember my time here with.

LIBRARIAN

Don’t get ahead of yourself; you also have graduation next week.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Smiles)

Well yes, there’s that too. But I think I’ll let myself savour tonight while it’s still here.

LIBRARIAN

I approve. Now if you’ll excuse me; have a great evening, both of you.

Another slow song begins and DIANE puts her arms around TEENAGE NATHANs neck. They dance, making small circles slowly, as the scene pans out.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

This is one of my fondest memories looking back at my life. Everything felt so right. I had everything I wanted. The world was mine for the taking. I felt invincible. Nothing could stop me. Good things just happened to me. I was on the path to getting what I wanted.

I knew it was going to be difficult to be apart even if it was only for a few months but in my head at that moment I was counting on being together permanently after that brief spell apart. We’d live together through college and then who knows; but it would be us together, helping each other.

I made up my mind that night to show her my work; to let her all the way into my world. She understood how important it was to me. That’s what made her different from everyone else. It’s what made her right and part of the perfect plan that seemed to have been laid out before me.

CUT TO:

EXT. GRADUATION – STADIUM

Friends and family are in the seats. MOTHER and DIANE sit together watching as the class make their way across the stage that’s been set up one at a time.

PRINCIPAL

Nathan O’Dette…

TEENAGE NATHAN walks up to the podium to collect his diploma after an enormous round of applause, louder than anyone else.

PRINCIPAL shakes his hand and hands him the diploma. TEENAGE NATHAN moves his tassel to the opposite side of his mortar board and smiles for the photos that are being taken.

TEENAGE NATHAN then goes to continue across the stage but the PRINCIPAL calls him back.

PRINCIPAL

(Proud)

And in addition to graduating with high honours and top of the class I also have the privilege of awarding Nathan with this plaque recognising his hard work in the Advanced Studies Programme introduced two years ago. He has been nationally recognised for the work that he’s put in and has done myself, all of us, and his school proud.

PRINCIPAL hand the plaque to Nathan and proceeds to give him a partial embrace and pat on the back while shaking his hand again.

Nathan smile as more photos are taken to the roaring of the crowd. MOTHER sheds tears of happiness and DIANE beams with pride while comforting her.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

And that is probably the second happiest moment of my life. Before that I did things for myself without ever realising that the work I was doing mattered to anyone else. I hadn’t thought about the good it had done for the programme itself to get such high achievements. It secured funding long term for both of the schools I attended.

My mother was proud of me, my girlfriend was proud of me, my teachers and classmates were proud of me, and most important of all, I was proud of myself.

TEENAGE NATHAN departs the stage while applause continues. It seems that everyone wants to congratulate him and shake his hand. He makes his way through the swarm toward his mother and girlfriend but it’s a real struggle to reach them.

When he does he’s caught in the middle of a three way hug with MOTHER on one side of him and DIANE on the other.

MOTHER

(Through tears of joy)

I am so proud of you Nathan!

DIANE

(Not interrupting)

So am I!

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Slightly embarrassed)

Thank you… both of you. I couldn’t have done it without you.

CUT TO:

INT. Airplane

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting in an economy seat and listening to headphones with his eyes closed.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I said my temporary goodbyes after that. Diane promised to keep in touch and I had the comfort of knowing that she’d join me in a few months.

My mother took it pretty hard. I promised that I’d return home for Christmas and that I’d phone her every week.

Professor Nurmes was able to arrange temporary accommodation for me for the first month of the summer on campus. I was going to need to get to work on finding something more permanent and getting myself set up and ready.

CUT TO:

INT. DORM ROOM

This is a small room with a desk and a bed and very little else. The view from the window is of the campus garden. TEENAGE NATHAN is moving suitcases into the room.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Most of the students went home for the summer, turning the campus into a sort of ghost town. I was able to find my bearings and get situated very quickly without any distractions. In no time I found a day job doing Administration work in the campus hospital.

CUT TO:

INT. COLLEGE HOSPITAL

TEENAGE NATHAN sits at a desk processing paperwork. He’s dressed professionally and has a security pass clearly visible around his neck.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

The work was mundane but the money was good. I knew it wasn’t a career but it would be something I could do around my classes when they started. The flexibility of the hours was the clincher. It was far from the energy sapping and soul destroying horror of my last job. Plus it was in the hospital; I had a feeling it would prove useful to have access to it.

CUT TO:

INT. DORM – EVENING

TEENAGE NATHAN sits at his desk using the computer.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I kept in contact with Diane and my mother as promised. I told them all about what campus was like and how work was going.

Diane told me that she had managed to pass her driving test and would be driving all the way over at the end of the summer. I arranged for her to bring a few boxes that I had stowed in my bedroom since she’d have space in the new car her parents had bought her for graduation.

Though I knew most of what my dream diaries contained off by heart I still thought it may prove useful to have them just in case they were needed. Since I had already packed them into boxes I didn’t feel to worried about trusting my mother with the contents of the boxes and knowledge of their existence. She wouldn’t know that it was hundreds of notebooks telling almost the exact same story over and over again.

CUT TO:

INT. DORM BED

TEENAGE NATHAN is obviously dreaming. REM sleep is apparent.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

And it wasn’t as though they stopped just because I had a new bed to sleep in.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

This dream involves more flashing scenery in shots that last mere seconds each

The first is a glowing blue sky. It’s dark and shimmering with silver sparkles. As the view moves trees gently glide past on the left and right, however they are also silver and sparkle.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

A majestic looking deer is in the distance. As the camera moves toward it, its eyes light up like lasers, glowing in an intense yellow-green. The sky is pitch black with sparkling silver glitter floating. The sound of high pitched screeching noises start as the camera reaches the animal that stands almost menacingly and threateningly. It responds with a deep growl as it gets closer.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

Red, orange, and yellow flashing trees move past as the view continues to move forward. The ground is also glowing in these colours and it’s reminiscent of hell. The sound of roaring and hissing is continuous. As the ground comes closed to the view and the view descends the screen goes solid red for ten seconds, and then solid black.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

The view is facing upward from the ground. Red, yellow, and orange flashing trees are all around it. The sky is an unreal shade of dark blue. There is a red fog floating in a clear trail across the sky.

YOUG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Nathan…

CUT TO:

INT. DORM BED

TEENAGE NATHAN opens his eyes and goes to the computer on the desk nearby where he opens a text document and starts typing at top speed.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMOUS HOUSE

TEENAGE NATHAN is carrying a computer monitor in through the front door. He enters a living room and proceeds through it to a small kitchen with modern appliances. He opens a door in the kitchen and a stairs leading down into a basement are visible for just a moment before he starts moving down them.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

The accommodation Professor Nurmes had arranged for me was only temporary. I found a small house that was affordable and close to campus a short while later.

It had the basics; one bedroom and one bathroom, but it had a basement which I claimed as my own for my research.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE BASEMENT

Hanging track lighting illuminates the stone walls and bare cement floor. A wooden bench is being used as a computer desk.

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting on the floor building a bookshelf from an instruction manual.

Boxes of belongings are nearby and a pile of dust in the corner next to a broom that leans against the wall indicates he’s been sweeping.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

When I wasn’t working, I was getting the new place ready for Diane. I wanted her to like it and feel comfortable here with me.

I figured that if I kept my workspace away in the cellar that I’d still be able to do my course work without any trouble. I’d have the solitude necessary to concentrate on my research, but the comfort of knowing she was only a flight or two of stairs away.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BEDROOM

A double bed takes up most of the room. TEENAGE NATHAN sets a framed picture of himself and Diane at the high school dance on the bedside table.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

My mother was horrified by the prospect of us sharing a house; especially a one bedroom house. She thought it would lead to bad grades, failed classes, unwanted pregnancies, and the inevitable one or both of us dropping out altogether.

Two weeks of not phoning at all, not answering the messages she left on my voicemail or answering machine, and a few emails about the impoverished life I was going to need to live in college as a result of not having much of a college fund got her off of my back fairly quickly.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOSPITAL – NIGHT – HALL

TEENAGE NATHAN is checking the coast is clear before visibly holding his coat around something and rushing to one of the back exits of the hospital.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I learned a few bad habits before the semester had even started. It wasn’t drinking or drugs as most people my age would have been experimenting with. I had my own way of getting thrills.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

The room has been completely transformed. Machinery and cables are everywhere. Medical equipment that is obviously stolen property is littered about the room.

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at his desk and playing with a heart monitor, watching the readout with interest.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

It was dangerous, maybe even foolish; however I never even came close to getting caught. I even took some massive risks.

Lady luck just seemed to smile on me. She wanted me to reach my goal. She wanted me to have the necessary equipment to do my research and instead of gracing me with the rich parents or unlimited wealth that would have been necessary to purchase it all myself, she chose to work in slightly less orthodox mysterious ways.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMPUS HOUSE – FRONT

An expensive car pulls up in front and parks. The horn sounds three times.

TEENAGE NATHAN rushes excitedly out from the front door of the house. DIANE exits the drivers seat and slams the door before rushing toward him. They embrace.

It’s a gorgeous sunny morning.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Excited)

I’ve missed you! Did you find the place alright? How was the drive?

DIANE

(Relieved)

It’s so good to see you again! It makes the long drive more than worth it just for that.

TEENAGE NATHAN

Let me show you around! I’ve been redecorating. I really hope that you’re going to like it. I’ll get your things from the car once I’ve shown you around.

TEENAGE NATHAN leads DIANE up the stairs to the front door by the hand.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – LIVING ROOM

The living room has been redecorated to have a desk and a chair in one corner along with an empty book shelf.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I was thinking that this could be your office so you can get your work done without me disturbing you. There’s space for your computer and books…

TEENAGE NATHAN gestures before leading Diane further inside.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN appears to be slightly uncomfortable as they enter.

TEENAGE NATHAN

And this is the kitchen. It’s not very big but it should do for us. I’ve stocked the fridge. Help yourself to anything you like.

TEENAGE NATHAN gestures to the cellar door as Diane looks around admiring the kitchen.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Uncomfortable)

My office is down in the basement, through that door there.

It’s probably better that I don’t show you it just yet. There are still a few spiders I haven’t evicted and the lights like to shut themselves off for no reason when I’m down there sometimes. It’s something wrong with the fuse box and I haven’t quite got it fixed just yet. I’m used to it but you won’t be missing much if we just skip past it.

DIANE

(Oblivious)

The place looks great Nathan! You’ve really outdone yourself! It’s better than I hoped. I love it!

TEENAGE NATHAN is visibly relieved that she isn’t interested in seeing the basement and that his excuse worked. He also appears pleased that she likes the house and the work he’s done on it.

He gently guides her out of the kitchen, keeping himself between her and the basement door in a slightly protective fashion.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I’m glad you like it. Now, if you’ll follow me m’lady, I’ll show you the master bathroom and the last stop of the tour will be the boudoir…

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

Glowing red and orange trees hat flicker and flash fly past as the view is facing down at them from above. There is a fast forward movement that is constant. The sound of hissing and thumping accelerate quickly.

CUT TO:

A close up of a deer with glowing yellow-green eyes. It opens its mouth and lets out a bleating sound that is slowed down drastically, making it deeper and demonic. The sound increases in volume. The note is sustained as the view pans forward into one of its glowing eyes.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE BEDROOM

TEENAGE NATHAN sits bolt-right up in bed, sweating and breathing heavily. DIANE who had been sleeping beside him is startled awake.

The room is dark but Nathan has flipped on the bedside lamp.

DIANE

(Scared)

What’s wrong? What’s going on?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Reassuring)

It’s nothing, just a dream. Don’t worry.

DIANE

(Concerned)

What was the dream about?

DIANE moves into a more comforting position, holding Nathan in a soothing way. She appears wide awake as does he.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I needed to tell her about the dream. If we were going to be sleeping in the same bed I wouldn’t be able to completely hide it from her for long. I didn’t want to scare her or make her worry unnecessarily.

I knew deep down that she would understand. With her courses and experience in psychology she may even be able to help me in what I wanted to achieve.

NATHAN appears to be thinking of how to start telling her about the dream. He takes her hand and leans into her embrace so that he is looking up at her before beginning.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Slowly and carefully)

You know about the courses I’m planning to take when classes start. I’ve never really told you why I want to study dreams though.

NATHAN appears to struggle with how to proceed. DIANE is reassuring and gently strokes his arm.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Slowly)

I went to a psychologist when I was just a kid because I’d been having really terrible nightmares. My mother was worried and wanted to find out why I was waking up screaming three or four times every night.

I’ve been having the same dream every night since I can remember. Sometimes I have it several times in a single night; sometimes I only have it once. Not a single night goes by that I don’t have it unless I don’t sleep though.

TEENAGE NATHAN waits for this to sink in for her.

DIANE

(Concerned)

You’ve been having exactly the same dream for your whole life? Wasn’t the psychologist able to help at all?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Still cautious and slow)

The psychologist just wanted to blame my mother and not having a strong male role model. It was a complete farce. They also wanted to drug me to the gills with Ritalin and similar but luckily my mother wouldn’t allow that.

DIANE

So what happened then?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Well, I stopped letting anyone know that I was still having the dreams. I taught myself to hold that scream that would normally have started before I had even awoken fully. I knew the dream well. I knew what would happen in it every single time but it just repeated. I learned not to be afraid of it and instead to try to pay attention to the details so that I could understand it.

DIANE

(Catching on)

So that’s why you travelled so far away for this course. I wondered why you weren’t willing to try any of the other psychology fields that were closer to home. You were so set on this one specifically. It makes sense now.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Glad she understands)

It’s the only one on offer that might be able to get me the answers I need to be honest.

DIANE

So what is it exactly that happens in the dream?

This question makes Nathan visibly struggle.

DIANE

(Understanding)

Its okay, I shouldn’t have asked. I understand if it’s painful.

TEENAGE NATHAN

No no no, it’s not that it’s painful. It’s just that there’s so much to it. I’ve never been able to accurately describe it in a way that portrays what it’s actually like or about.

Out in your car at this very minute are hundreds of notebooks full of my best endeavours to try to explain the dream over the years. It all sounds like abstract poetry and still isn’t quite enough to do it justice.

DIANE

(Surprised)

The boxes I brought had dream diaries in them?

TEENAGE NATHAN

The boxes you brought are completely full of dream diaries. Every single box is full of nothing but dream diaries.

DIANE

(Shocked)

But there were so many boxes!

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Slightly embarrassed)

I know. It’s been like an obsession. Perhaps even an unhealthy obsession…

Honestly though, if you had the same thing replaying in your head every single time you fell asleep for over ten years and you knew it wasn’t normal, what would you do?

I talked to other people about the way they dream. I asked questions. I know that this dream isn’t like what other people dream, but it’s the only dream I’ve ever had to the best of my knowledge.

DIANE

(Worried)

Are you sure that it’s a good idea for you to be the one that is doing all of the work to find the answers then? Isn’t there anyone else, maybe another psychologist or a hypnotherapist perhaps that might be able to help you get to the meaning or explain why you’ve been having such an abnormal dream for so long?

TEENAGE NATHAN

There’s nothing out there that can help yet though. That’s the problem. I’ve searched tirelessly for years. I’ve submitted enquiries to various departments and read thousands of books on the matter. It simply hasn’t been researched…

Do you remember our last assignment in Professor Nurmes’s class?

DIANE

How could I forget?

TEENAGE NATHAN

I suppose you’re right about that…

My goal is to find a way to explain the dream that does it justice so that I can understand it. I want to find out if I am actually the only person on the planet that is having this happen. I want to know why. I want to be able to show it to someone else in a way that they can fully experience it.

No amount of words or pictures or graphs is ever going to do it though. I need to go further than that and I’ve had an idea for a very long time about how I could make it happen. My goal is to make it happen.

DIANE

What do you plan to do then? How else could anyone ever know about it unless you tell them? It’s not like they can see it with their own eyes.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Smiling sort of darkly)

Not yet at least. But that is basically what I’m planning to do. There has been some work in the field but it’s at its most basic levels. I am going to expand on it. I will ensure that I’m able to show my dream to someone else so that they can experience it fully or die trying. I have to.

DIANE

(Very surprised)

You mean making your subconscious play on a screen so that someone else can watch what you see?

TEENAGE NATHAN

No, not quite. My dream has sensations. It has smells and sounds and physical and emotional feelings that are as important as the visuals.

I intend to design a way for someone else to get the entire experience; so that the dream plays in their subconscious precisely the way that it does in my own. I know it’s possible and I’m going to make it happen.

DIANE

You’re talking about playing one persons dream inside another persons head? You think it’s possible to make someone else basically have your dream themselves?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Confident)

I know it’s possible. I’ve already started the most basic level of work on it and I’ve been preparing myself for doing just that all along.

I will make it happen. That is what I want to achieve and everything I’ve done to this point in my life has been building up to being able to achieve it.

DIANE

That’s really amazing. I like the idea but it scares me as well. Surely dreams are personal; they’ve always been for our eyes only in a sense. Is it really something you think should be shared?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Perhaps some people have dreams they want to share though; people that have dream disorders, recurring nightmares, or recollections of horrible things that have happened that they are unable to recall when they are conscious.

This could be one of the most important experiments in medical and psychological history.

Take for example a woman that’s been attacked and raped but represses the memories so thoroughly that even the most advanced hypnotherapy and best psychologists are unable to get her to recall how the man that did it looked.

She dreams about it in her darkest nightmares. If they could be played back to the police the perpetrator could be brought to justice. It would be equivalent to video footage of the event taking place, only the camera was her own eyes.

DIANE

(Unsure)

But surely dreams aren’t always factual. We dream our teeth fall out, that we turn up for school naked, that we’re being chased by monsters… how could it stand up in court?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Who knows if it ever will, we could debate the potential for that all night and never know until it actually happens.

What matters is that this could help me and possibly other people. I will make it happen even if it only helps me. I need to understand the dream I keep having. I need someone else to see it.

DIANE hugs TEENAGE NATHAN tightly.

DIANE

I wouldn’t think that it was possible in a million years, except that it’s you that are set on making it happen. Because of that I know it will. I have faith in you Nathan. I want to help you.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

And thus the deal was sealed. I had assistance in understanding the dream for the first time in my life. I was another step closer to my goal. Nothing was going to stop me until I succeeded and I knew success was getting closer with each passing day. I could smell it just as clearly as I could smell the acrid smoke in my dreams.

TEENAGE NATHAN and DIANE cuddle together and fall asleep in each others arms.

CUT TO:

INT. COLLEGE LAB

TEENAGE NATHAN is wearing a lab coat and is working to take readings from a monitor screen. An unconscious primate is on the lab table with wires and cables stuck to its temples and connected to the machinery.

There are other students doing similar at other lab stations while a professor makes his way around the room to check progress and provide assistance.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

The rest had done me good. There was a lot to take in and all of it was new to me. I worked flat out taking everything I was offered; every morsel of fresh new knowledge was devoured hungrily. I had been starving for this. The famine had ended so suddenly as the course started that I hadn’t even realised how hungry I had been for it.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN sits at his desk pouring over manuals nd soldering microchips and wires painstakingly.

The basement office is looking more like a laboratory with equipment and books everywhere. It’s very clean and sterile looking now, albeit crowded with machinery. The equipment is very obviously stolen.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

My studies were even more intense when I was alone in my office. That was when I experimented on the things I had learned. It was were I tested out my working knowledge of the equipment I had used. It was where I looked into theories others had already formed and added my own to the mix. I took from what had already been tried and added what I wanted to ultimately achieve.

If you asked me how exactly I managed to put together half of the equipment I wouldn’t be able to give you an honest answer. I don’t even know now looking back.

It was sort of like my dreams. I just knew how to do what needed to be done. I was fully conscious when the answers came to me. I hadn’t actually dreamt the solutions; I only had the one dream over and over after all; but I would know that I needed to wire things together despite not having any real experience with electronics. I knew that if I combined different parts of machines that were already in my possession; well that I had taken into my possession is what I mean; that it would just work.

I even had this sixth sense about which equipment I needed to ‘borrow’. Much of it consisted of things I had never been exposed to; machines I couldn’t name that were intended for functions I couldn’t be sure of.

Everything just kept ticking right along. Things fell into place. I put them into place with no honest idea of how or why.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN is just coming upstairs from the basement office as DIANE enters the house. She is dressed in a black trouser and red flip over collar top with a logo for a bar on the right side. She is wearing a jacket over this and has her keys and handbag in hand.

TEENAGE NATHAN comes over to greet her with a big hug and kiss. She appears tired and worn out but happy to be home.

TEENAGE NATHAN

How was work? Want me to warm up dinner for you?

DIANE

Understaffed as always, that’s why I’m late by the way. I was going to phone but didn’t want to disturb you in case you were working on anything. Tracey phoned off and left me on my own again.

I’m starving though, what’s for dinner?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Spaghetti, I’ll heat it up now. I hope you like it. I made it myself when I got home… Chef’s specialty.

TEENAGE NATHAN winks at her before proceeding to put Tupperware in the microwave. DIANE takes her jacket off and hangs it on the back of the chair before sitting down, putting keys in bag, and then cradling her head in her hands out of exhaustion.

DIANE

Sounds marvellous. How were your classes today?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Really good. I got a lot done once I got home this afternoon. I’m ahead on my thesis and a lot of the dead ends of yesterday are turning out to be not so much dead as really dark and narrow corridors that have as of yet been unexplored.

DIANE

(Smiling)

My aren’t we poetic this evening. It sounds like its going really well then.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Smiling back)

You can say that again. What about your class today? How are you finding it?

TEENAGE NATHAN serves DIANE spaghetti and pours both of them a glass of wine. He sits down across the table from her as she starts eating.

DIANE

(Between eating and enjoying)

Oh this is really good. My compliments to the chef!

As for class, it’s tough going. Everything is a lot more in depth than what I’ve done before. There’s a lot of theory and names and procedures and techniques to memorise.

I’m putting it to use though, you wouldn’t believe how much I’m making in tips when I do a bit of practicing on the job. I mean, sometimes I make triple what the other bar staff are getting. Just from listening and using a few of the tricks of the trade.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Jokingly)

Good idea! I used to do that back in high school! It can really put you in control can’t it! Getting what you want…

I say work those shrink moves while practicing has to be a free service to make all the money you can. It will prepare you better for the future when it will be arms and legs that you’re charging for your services.

DIANE

(Laughing and playing along)

Oh, ha ha! And I suppose your ground breaking dream research will be a free service that you’ll be performing out of the goodness of your heart?

TEENAGE NATHAN

Of course; I’m a big believer in charity.

TEENAGE NATHAN comes over and puts his arms around DIANE who has finished her meal.

TEENAGE NATHAN

We’re going to be filthy stinking rich one day my dear. That day isn’t as far away as you’d think either. You know what that means don’t you?

DIANE

(Anticipation)

No, what does it mean Nathan?

TEENAGE NATHAN moves his lips very close to her ear as she smiles at him.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Whispering)

It means you won’t have to eat my spaghetti and pretend to like it anymore…

Both DIANE and TEENAGE NATHAN laugh and he hugs her.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

The view point is on the ground looking sideways along the dirt and into the forest that surrounds it. The ground, bushes, trees, and leaves are all shimmering and sparkling in red, orange, and yellow shades.

The roaring hiss is loud and there is a beating sound that starts off slow but is accelerating.

The point of view moves gradually to the left, which is straight up from the ground. The trunks of the trees and branches and leaves are all sparkling and shimmering in the warm tones.

The sky is an unreal deep blue with a red glowing, almost pulsating, streak of cloudy foggy mist, travelling in a line across it. There are also glittering particles slowly cascading downwards from everywhere.

The sound of hissing and crackling increases in volume. The previously rhythmic slow beating has accelerated.

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaaaaathan…

The view continues to pan further to the left so that it is moving toward the opposite of the starting view. It’s darker on the left side.

The view is from someone’s eyes and this becomes apparent as they blink and the view is obstructed by complete blackness just as the ground should have been coming into view. This only lasts a second or two.

Meanwhile the rhythmic thumping has intensified and accelerated from when the girl’s voice is heard to a nearly steady sound.

The impression of our eyes opening is greeted with a pair of eyes very close in front of us. The whites of the eyes are a mass of broken blood vessels making them deep reds and bruised blues and purples. It gives the impression that the pale blue eyes are nearly white.

The eyes stare blankly and without moving for a long time as the hissing and solid pounding that had been slow earlier continues. And then, suddenly, the eyes in front of our own point of view blink…

The scene goes black with the echo of a scream.

CUT TO:

INT. COLLEGE LAB

TEENAGE NATHAN and his classmates are gathered around a CT Scanner. There is a volunteer who is being loaded into the machine while the professor is lecturing.

This is part of a montage of many scenes while the Voice Over is happening.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

The courses I had enrolled in just naturally started to introduce me to ways of getting more of what I needed. It was always the way it went at the start. I didn’t even need to ask and the answers would just present themselves.

CUT TO:

INT COLLEGE – ANOTHER LAB ROOM

TEENAGE NATHAN and his classmates are being lectured by their professor. Another volunteer is lying down and appears to be at rest. A strange camera is mounted above him and aimed downward at his face. The camera has a video output and the class are watching this.

The video output is showing different colours around and over him like an aura. There are sensors attached to his temples and chest. The class are taking notes.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I was learning how to see into peoples minds; how to get very general and barely defined readings. It was all so amateur and yet this was the height of all research into the field at that point in time.

It frustrated me that more hadn’t been already done. Was I really the only one so determined to fine tune what had been done up to now? Knowing that various parts of the brain lit up when certain thoughts happened was all very well and good, but why wasn’t it clearer? Why hadn’t anyone taken the time to make a more precise science out of it?

CUT TO:

INT. COLLEGE LAB

TEENAGE NATHAN and his classmates are gathered around a large sea turtle which is lying on its back on an operating table. The top of its skull has been removed and sensors and electrodes are connected to its visible brain.

A fortune in equipment surrounds the class with readings and scans and video imaging being carefully monitored and explained by the professor as an electric current is run through the turtle.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

And that’s why I designed the machine. I needed that clarification and had the drive and determination and more importantly the luck necessary to make it happen. I was working on the knowledge end of things.

It surprised me that I was the one that cracked it. It still surprises me that I ended up doing it. It was difficult; yes. But it wasn’t something that one of the many geniuses of the field that came before me shouldn’t have been able to do.

CUT TO:

INT. COLLEGE LAB – AFTER HOURS

TEENAGE NATHAN is alone in the lab and is busily taking notes and drawing schematics of a machine’s inside wiring, He has removed a panel at the side of it and is very intricately recording details of its composition.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I was intelligent but no genius. If I had been, maybe the most obvious fault in my logic might have been apparent. Maybe I wouldn’t have missed it and continued onwards toward my goal without having really considered the danger of such a move.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting on the floor beside a replica that he has obviously constructed on his own, of the big machine from the lab that he had been looking at.

He works diligently on it via the same side panel he had been looking at earlier, his notebook is beside him and he consults it regularly as he works carefully.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

It took a lot of time; years to complete it. My progress was constant though, and I had a lot of time on my hands.

Diane was working in the bar after her classes, so I had the house to myself nearly everyday.

CUT TO:

INT. NATHAN’S MOTHERS HOUSE – KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN has just arrived home, suitcase in hand. MOTHER is overjoyed to see him. She has aged somewhat while he’s been away and this is evident by the small amount of grey hair at her temples.

Through the window snow is visible and a Christmas themed centrepiece is on the kitchen table.

MOTHER hugs TEENAGE NATHAN in welcome and he hugs her back.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I went home for Christmas as I had promised, but I really missed my work when I did. I arranged to not have to stay any longer than necessary; just enough to keep my mother happy.

It was a small sacrifice; just one week. It was a lot harder than it perhaps should have been though. I made sure that I brought some books that I needed to look through, but it still strained me to be away from my research.

CUT TO:

INT. NATHAN’S MOTHERS HOUSE – KITCHEN

Christmas dinner is on the table. TEENAGE NATHAN, MOTHER, and DIANE are seated around the table eating.

MOTHER

(Warm)

It’s so good to have you both here for the holidays. It’s the best Christmas present of all to me. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

DIANE

(Graciously)

Thank you for inviting me along Mrs. O’Dette. I can see that Nathan learned how to cook from you. It’s delicious.

MOTHER

Thank you Diane, but don’t be silly! With your parents out of the country again, you know I couldn’t have allowed you to spend it alone. Besides, I consider you a part of the family by now anyway.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(To MOTHER)

No pressure, right?

MOTHER

(Defensive but laughing)

Oh Nathan, you know what I mean…

MOTHER sips her wine.

MOTHER

(Meaning to embarrass TEENAGE NATHAN)

But for the record if there are any thoughts of making this legal and official and getting it on paper, I want you to know that you have my blessing. She’s a lovely girl.

DIANE blushes but laughs along with MOTHER. TEENAGE NATHAN takes this well and smiles.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Sarcastically)

Diane, we may need to excuse ourselves from the table early. I believe mother may book the church for us soon if we aren’t careful.

Everyone laughs and TEENAGE NATHAN kisses DIANE on the forehead.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

The view is panning forward along a silvery sparkling path between rows of trees. There is a large deer ahead and the distance is closing in. It is standing still and looking toward the camera. As it gets closer its eyes begin to glow in a bright yellow-green.

When it is very close it opens its mouth and lets out a bleat as the sound is slowed down turning it into a sustained low rumbling growl.

Screeching, thumping, crashing sounds, and explosions ring out as the screen goes black.

The view changes to looking downward as the glowing forest floor moves below. There is a loud hissing sound. Everything is flashing and glowing in red, orange, ad yellow tones. This is seen in almost a fast forward style and ends when the ground rises up to meet the point of view. The screen goes black.

The view changes once more. A heavy double bass drum sound is heard. Pale blue eyes are directly in front of the point of view. The broken blood vessels completely contort the whites of the eyes leaving no white at all.

The eyes stare into the point of view for a very long time, without moving. They blink in slow motion.

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaaaaaaaathan…

The view changes to black and a piercing scream joins the thumping bass drum and hissing sounds and echoes after the other two sounds cease.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOSPITAL

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at a desk typing information from a pile of paperwork in front of him onto the computer. He looks up from his work and sees a security guard watching him.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

It was during the second summer on campus, after the yearly inventory had been done, that they finally started getting suspicious about the large amount of missing equipment.

I wasn’t directly suspected but I knew that they were looking for someone to pin the blame on. Security was increased and always had their eyes open; even after normal hours.

One of my resources had dried up.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at his desk. He has sensors connected to his temples as he flips through flash cards with various images on them.

He is recording the results of his brainwaves as they flash across the screen, mapping what patterns he sees for each image he looks at.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I stayed on campus over the summer.

Diane had gone to see her parents and wasn’t contactable again. Oddly I didn’t really mind this. I didn’t miss her while she was away this time.

I think I started to get too comfortable. I knew that she would be back when the summer was over. Therefore I saw nothing wrong with putting the time I had on my hands without her, or anyone, without classes, and just the hospital job to work around, to good use.

I was my own guinea pig. I made amazing progress that way. In three short months I had laid the groundwork and put together a very accurate database of signals that my brain would send when I saw different images, smelled different scents, and tasted different flavours.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at his desk covered in sensors. Machines are all around him and he is watching a screen as a video montage of explosions, torture, suffering, and death plays.

He pauses to make notes and check readings after the film stops.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Emotions were surprisingly more difficult to record accurately. I had to find ways of measuring the mixtures of feelings that I would feel at any given time as well as the varying degrees that I felt each of them. I had to look for intricate patterns in the readouts. They were ever changing and it was very difficult to be sure that I was matching the signals with the feelings that went along with them.

TEENAGE NATHAN starts playing another series of video footage depicting kittens playing with string, and children laughing together as they sing. He watches closely and smiles.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

That summer I mapped my brain and put together the most promising foundation work that reassured me that I would be able to get the dream recorded in such a way that it might finally be shared with someone else for the first time in my life.

After all of those years without the ability to do so I was more than just a little excited. I could taste the impending success. It tasted good.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN is again covered in sensors and machinery surrounds him. On a tray in front of him we can see some pins, a hammer, a feather, some ice, and various other items.

He picks up the hammer and puts his hand on the table. He draws the hammer back and hits his thumb quite hard with it.

Afterwards he pulls his hand back, wincing from the pain, and begins taking notes on the readings from the machines.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Not every aspect of sensory mapping was enjoyable. Many injuries were sustained through the trial and error approach; but the blood, sweat, and tears; as well as the bruises, burns, and minor lacerations, were going to pay off.

CUT TO:

INT. COLLEGE – LAB

TEENAGE NATHAN and the other students are receiving a lecture in which the professor is dissecting a human brain and explaining in detail the functions of each part as they would occur in sleep.

The class are taking notes dutifully. At one point TEENAGE NATHAN gets up from his seat and comes forward to take a closer look at where the professor is indicating for a specific function. He is paying far more attention than the other students.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Don’t get me wrong; to say I mapped the entire human brain over the course of three months; that I was able to accurately depict all of the senses and could tell the difference between a flash card depicting a rhinoceros versus a red ball, would be ludicrous.

That took me three years of constant work.

CUT TO:

INT. NATHAN’S MOTHERS HOUSE – KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN is only barely a teenager at all now. He is sitting beside DIANE at the table. MOTHER is serving turkey in another obvious Christmas dinner.

Everyone is laughing heartily and smiling. DIANE and TEENAGE NATHAN are sharing a lot of contact with their hands as the meal plays out, indicating how close they are.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

Diane and I would go back every year at Christmas.

Mother was always overjoyed to see us, She also continued to put pressure on me to propose to Diane. Our living in sin obviously grated on her nerves.

I always used money as the main excuse and reassured her that I would ask when we were both successfully out of college.

The time away from my research grated on me though. I never stayed long and always had excuses worked out in advance for why I couldn’t make it back for spring break or the summer holidays.

I also made sure to always bring a book I had to read over the break. I actually saved reading that I needed to do especially for these trips so that I wouldn’t lose my momentum.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BEDROOM

TEENAGE NATHAN and DIANE are lying in bed together. She has her head on his chest and he has one arm behind his head and the other around her shoulder.

TEENAGE NATHAN

I may need to spend a couple of nights sleeping in my study this week.

DIANE appears troubled by this. She gets up partially.

DIANE

(Worried)

In your study? The cellar? Why?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Daydreaming)

I’m close. I think if I recorded my brain activity while I was having the dream that I might actually have something solid to really work with.

DIANE ponders this. She appears troubled, perhaps hurt that he doesn’t want to sleep beside her.

DIANE

(Withdrawing)

If that’s what you want… How would you monitor your brain waves in the basement though?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Smiling)

… I’ll show you…

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN in pyjama bottoms and DIANE in a dressing gown descend the stairs. He is leading her.

This is her first time in the basement office. Upon seeing the room she is utterly speechless, gawking in surprise that he’s essentially built his own laboratory with a small fortune worth of electronics and equipment.

He flips a few switches on machines and the lights dim momentarily from the amount of power being used. The output of the monitors and flashing lights are played up to really accentuate just how much work he’s done.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(With Pride)

Welcome to my office Diane! I’ve wanted to show you for a long time but now just feels right. I told you I have been really busy while I’m down here. What do you think of it?

DIANE

(Wonder)

How?!?

DIANE wanders from machine to machine in total awe.

DIANE

This has been down here the whole time?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Proudly)

I put it all together myself; piece by piece. It’s over two years worth of work now.

DIANE

(Shocked)

Right under my nose… Literally right under it.

How did you ever afford all of this stuff Nathan? It had to have cost you a fortune!

TEENAGE NATHAN is cautious. DIANE is still in a state of wonder having to touch things around the room, seemingly just to reassure her self that they are real and she isn’t dreaming.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Cautious)

Well I built most of it myself. That saved me more money than you’d believe…

DIANE

(Not buying it)

I’m not stupid Nathan. I may only know what half of these things even are, but I know you can’t just take apart an old lawnmower to make your own EEG machine. Spare parts don’t monitor electroencephalograph readings.

Look, just tell me how much debt you’ve managed to get yourself into. Maybe my parents can help. I’m going to guess your student loans and grants are all spent…

TEENAGE NATHAN stops her and takes her hands in his own.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Serious)

I’m not in debt. I haven’t maxed out my loans or anything like that.

I sort of borrowed a few parts here and there at the hospital.

He needs to put a hand up to calm her when she tries to interrupt in anger.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Trying to make her understand)

I know! It’s wrong of me. I know I shouldn’t have.

It started off with small things that weren’t going to be missed. I didn’t even know why at first. Electronics had never been something I’d even dabbled in.

But listen to me Diane. I got a little carried away. I know it was stupid. I’ve stopped for months now, but I can’t exactly return the things now that I’ve built these machines out of them.

Besides, if I got caught taking the things back I’d be in huge trouble. As it is I should have been in trouble and somehow I managed not to get caught. I’m not going to risk getting caught after the fact. I stopped taking things. I’m not going to take any more.

And it’s not like I could have ever had half of this equipment if I hadn’t broken some rules. I’m going to achieve my goal with this stuff. You know how important that is to me. I trust you. I love you. That’s why I decided to show you.

DIANE and TEENAGE NATHAN are staring into each others eyes. The moment is very intense. Both of them look close to tears, him from admitting what he’s done; and her from the worry of trouble and the revelation of his dangerous and deceitful means of getting the equipment.

She breaks away from him and turns her back for a moment, thinking before turning to face him once more.

DIANE

(Very serious)

Nathan you could have not only been expelled, you could have been arrested. Didn’t you think about the risks?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Remorseful)

I know. You’re right. I don’t know what came over me at the time.

There’s an awkward silence while Diane thinks.

DIANE

(Serious still)

I can’t believe you stole so much! Anyone else would have been busted a long time ago. It looks like you stole an entire ward worth of stuff…

I have to admit it’s impressive what you’ve done with it though.

This catches him off guard. He looks at her unsure of what to do or say or how to take it. She smiles.

DIANE

(Smiling)

It is! It’s more than impressive. You’ve got your own personal laboratory for doing experiments and achieving everything you’ve talked about for all of these years. You found a way to reach that goal of yours.

I don’t advocate your methods and I don’t want you to steal anything else. If you end up getting caught I am going to claim complete ignorance of the contents of this room.

I am sort of proud of your determination regardless though.

TEENAGE NATHAN unable to help himself springs forward and hugs her tight.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Relief)

I knew you’d understand. If anyone ever would it would be you.

DIANE

(Through the tight squeezing hugs)

That’s because I love you. It’s in the job description as your girlfriend.

He hugs her even tighter and kisses her deeply.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

Some time has passed (days). TEENAGE NATHAN is fully dressed and has made himself a makeshift hospital bed. Various monitoring equipment surrounds it.

He is just taking off his shirt and connecting patches with wires hanging off them to his chest and temples.

He sits on the bed, pushes a few buttons and clicks on something on his computer, before lying back and closing his eyes.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

At first I worried that the stress of needing to have the dream would cause me to be unable to have the dream. The pressure was on. I’d never felt the need to experience it quite like I did this time.

It was strange for me because I had never been able to not have the dream, despite wanting to escape it as a child. It was silly to worry of course. The dream was like clockwork every single time I fell asleep anyway. I had about as much control over it as I did over remembering to breathe while I slept, or remembering to make my heart keep on beating. It was going to happen whether I thought about it or not.

I also worried about if I would be able to fall asleep or not. Its funny how things like that keep us up at night isn’t it.

I had my own dream researching laboratory. I would sleep eventually. And when I did I would make history. It didn’t matter how long it took to fall asleep. I could take as long as I needed and I knew that I would finally have a record of the dream when I did.

TEENAGE NATHAN is still laying there but his breathing has calmed and his eyes begin to move rapidly back and forth which we see through his closed eye lids.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE

The scene opens with a noble stag standing proudly along a glittering silvery sparkling path with forest on either side of it. It’s eyes light up and glow in a bright greenish-yellow as it stares straight at the approaching point of view. There is a humming noise only barely noticeable.

The deer opens its mouth as it gets closer and lets out a bleat that is slowed down drastically and sustained to sound like a growl as its eyes burn in their greenish-yellow glow and it stares right at the camera.

Screeching, smashing, thudding, and banging start loudly as the scene fades out.

A solid hissing sound is heard along with a rhythmic thumping as the forest passes below. The entire forest is flashing in oranges, reds, and yellows. The air sparkles with silver glitter. The point of view descends to the ground which looks very hell-like with the fiery glow reflected across it. As the ground rises up to meet the point of view the screen again goes black.

The hissing is still audible. The thumping, beating sound is steadily increasing ever faster.

Two eyes are staring at the point of view. The broken blood vessels in them make the whites a mass of red, blue, and purple. They stare lifelessly as the thumping accelerates to a solid sound, drowning out all other sound.

The eyes blink all of the sudden. The scene fades to total blackness and a blood curdling scream pierces the thumping sound.

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaaaaaathan. Naaaaathan, you have to…

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – KITCHEN

DIANE is sitting at the kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee and reading a psychology book. She has obviously just got out of bed.

TEENAGE NATHAN bursts through the door from the basement with a pile of printed paper and he appears hardly able to contain himself. He’s excited and very happy.

DIANE

(Smiling)

I’m going to guess that it went well! Am I right?

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Ecstatic)

Do bears shit in the woods? It’s better than I had dreamed possible for a first test! I have it all right here!

TEENAGE NATHAN shows her the paperwork which depicts various brainwaves and signals.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Overjoyed)

See what I mean! I can read this like a book now! I can see that it is picking up on the images and the other senses that I experience in the dream. I’ve done it Diane! I’ve just managed to record a dream!

DIANE

(Excited)

I’m so proud of you Nathan! What’s next then? Are you going to present your findings? This is really a big deal!

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Thinking)

I don’t know! It needs some fine tuning. I also need to test my theory about being able to have someone else see it…

He looks at her and seems to consider something.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Excited)

How would you like to go down in history as the first person to ever see into someone else’s subconscious world?

DIANE

(Taken aback)

Do you mean it? You want me to be the first person to witness your dream in their own mind?

TEENAGE NATHAN goes down on one knee in front of her and takes her hand in his.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Sincere)

Diane, I love you with all my heart. You have been with me through out all of this. Would you do me the honour of being the first person to ever experience another persons dream? Would you share my dream with me?

DIANE

(Smiling)

I will. It would be my pleasure. I can’t even find words to tell you how proud I am. My boyfriend the genius who has unlocked one of the greatest mysteries!

He rises back to a standing position and hugs her.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE BASEMENT

TEENAGE NATHAN is sitting at his computer and editing his database of brain signals and their precise meanings. He looks manic and half crazed with his obsession.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

I swore Diane to secrecy about our plans for her to witness my dream. It was easy to do. She knew how important it was to me and she was already keeping the secret of the stolen hospital equipment. She knew we were on the verge of making history and secrecy was essential to getting it off of the ground.

I quit my job in the hospital that morning. I also phoned off from my classes claiming I had to return home due to a death in the family. It was so close and I knew the small sacrifice now would pay off. I was already ahead in every aspect of the course and they were more than understanding, encouraging me to take as much time as I needed.

I spent the next month locked in the basement. I came out only if I absolutely had to. Diane brought meals down to me and kept giving me encouragement.

It took me a month but I finally unlocked it. I had it. The dream was completely transcribed. I could read and identify every single part of it, every emotion, every feeling.

I knew the time had come to have the first trial and Diane booked time off from the bar and her courses just to be able to have a completely clear head and be ready to experience it.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – KITCHEN

TEENAGE NATHAN and DIANE are sitting at the table enjoying a lavish meal of lobster and Champaign. They appear to be celebrating.

TEENAGE NATHAN raises his glass in a toast.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Very Happy)

To our imminent success; may tonight change our lives forever.

They clink their glasses together and drink.

DIANE

(Visibly excited)

I really hope it works as well as you hope! I know it’s the first trial run and I’m really excited about it. I almost can’t wait!

TEENAGE NATHAN

I think I know how you feel, but a celebration is in order! Besides, you’ll sleep better this way and I want you to be deeply asleep before I start the dream for you. I want you to experience it exactly the same way I do.

DIANE

Just be sure to wake me up afterwards so I can tell you what it’s like right away!

TEENAGE NATHAN

I have a feeling you’ll wake up of your own accord by the end of it. It is a nightmare that you are going to have bear in mind.

DIANE

I know, but I also know that most people don’t have the same dream so often so I may not remember every single detail unless you are there and ready to hear my account of the dream as soon as I wake up from it.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Taking her hand in his)

Of course! I wouldn’t miss this for the world Diane. I’m more excited than you are. This is going to be me essentially sharing the most private realm of my very existence with you. This is the one thing that is mine and mine alone; and soon it will be yours as well.

DIANE

Nathan, you can’t know how happy you make me. No one has ever shared something like this before and I am going to be the first person to experience this. It makes me feel so special.

TEENAGE NATHAN

You are special…

Are you ready?

TEENAGE NATHAN takes her hand and they both leave the table and make their way to the basement hand in hand.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE BASEMENT

DIANE is lying on the makeshift bed and has hundreds of wires at her temples, the back of her neck, her wrists, and he chest. She has a heart monitor on her index finger.

TEENAGE NATHAN is setting up a video camera on a tripod to record the experiment. Once he’s satisfied with it and the record button has been pressed he moves to her bedside and takes her hand.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Serious – to the camera)

Today is the twenty-second of June. I, Nathan O’Dette, am about to attempt to do an experiment where I will essentially enable another person to experience a dream that I have had in their own mind while they are asleep.

Diane, could you confirm that you are happy to partake in this experiment as the subject that will be witnessing the dream in question?

DIANE

(Serious – to camera)

I give my full consent and am ready to begin the experiment.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Caring – to Diane)

Are you comfortable? Is there anything I could get for you before we begin the experiment?

DIANE

(To Nathan – taking his hand in hers carefully)

I’m ready to start when you are. I love you Nathan.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Forgetting the camera)

I love you too. Sleep well Diane. Good luck and I hope you enjoy the show.

TEENAGE NATHAN gives DIANE a sleeping pill and a glass of water on a tray. She takes the pill with a sip from the glass and sets it back down.

She then leans forward and kisses him before lying down and getting comfortable.

He dims the lights and then sits down beside her, watching her and monitoring the equipment that surrounds her carefully.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT – FROM THE VIDEO CAMERAS PERSPECTIVE

DIANE is very obviously sleeping on the bed in front of the camera. TEENAGE NATHAN moves in front of the camera.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(To camera)

Our subject is deeply asleep. Approximately ninety minutes have now passed and she is entering the REM phase of her sleep cycle.

I will now begin the experiment by sending the signals recorded from my own brain when having the dream to hers, essentially replaying it in completely accurate and perfect detail.

TEENAGE NATHAN steps to the side and presses some buttons and flicks a few switches. He then moves back in front of the computer and clicks on something.

He turns in his chair and watches DIANE as the dream starts for her.

She kicks her leg out in an involuntary muscle spasm and TEENAGE NATHAN smiles encouraged by this.

DIANE tosses and turns a little and a small moan escapes her lips. Another muscle spasm follows and TEENAGE NATHAN smiles.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Professionally)

The dream has started. Our subject is displaying rapid eye movement and her EET scan is showing an exact replica of the series of signals that I have programmed to happen in her own brain.

She is just reaching the halfway point now…

DIANE thrashes violently all of the sudden surprising him. He recoils back and out of her way as she thrashes violently again, throwing the heart monitor off of her finger and to the floor.

The sound of flat lining, the solid hum of it is very loud.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Muttered to himself)

Shit…

TEENAGE NATHAN bends down to pick up the heart monitor. DIANE goes into a seizure at the exact moment. Her body is thrashing wildly on the makeshift bed. Her eyes open and roll back in her head and she froths at the mouth.

TEENAGE NATHAN is panicking. He puts the heart monitor back on her finger with one hand while trying to hold her still with the other arm, however it does no good. The sound of flat lining continues even when it’s back on her finger and she still thrashes wildly.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Panic)

Diane! Diane wake up!

Shit! No! Don’t do this! Diane?! Diane can you hear me?

TEENAGE NATHAN climbs on top of her as she shudders uncontrollably on the makeshift bed. She screams a blood curdling scream

Suddenly she sits up and opens her eyes. She looks straight at him.

DIANE

(Trancelike and ethereal)

Naaaaathan, you have to…

Your mother…

DIANE falls back hard, her eyes still open. She is not breathing. The heart monitor continues to flat line with the solid sound playing continuously.

TEENAGE NATHAN

(Desperate)

Diane! Diane don’t you leave me!

TEENAGE NATHAN begins doing CPR and is frantically trying to revive DIANE.

Blood visibly flows from her ears and nose.

TEENAGE NATHAN continues CPR for a long time before he finally stops. He is crying.

He closes her eyes with his hand and kisses her cheek before we see him storm toward the video camera and pick it up before throwing it violently across the room.

The sound of him crying out in anguish is the last thing that is heard before the camera dies.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – KITCHEN

The room is dishevelled and messy. Nathan has visibly aged (Now he is ADULT NATHAN). His hair has a massive shock of grey to it all of the sudden. He is zombie-like and is clearly just going through the motions of day to day life.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

When I lost Diane I lost everything; my will to go on with my research, my will to continue with college, my will to live…

I lost track of the days that I sat there in shock. I wasn’t aware of time. All I knew was that she was gone. She was gone because of what I did. It didn’t matter if she volunteered. It doesn’t matter if she gave her consent.

The truth of the matter is that if she had never met me, she would still be alive.

I wasn’t aware that I was doing it at the time but eventually I realised that her body was in the chest freezer that had been in the basement since we had moved in. I hadn’t gone for help. I hadn’t phoned an ambulance. I hadn’t told her parents. I was the only person that even knew that she was gone and I couldn’t face that reality.

I killed her. It was my fault. She was a beautiful, smart, caring girl. She had so much life and vitality. I robbed her of that. I took that away from her.

I wasn’t the only one who was to blame though. There was one single good thing that came from my experiment. A mystery had been unlocked. Something I hadn’t been able to understand had finally been clarified.

At long last I finally understood the dream that had plagued me for nearly twenty years.

ADULT NATHAN gets up and takes the telephone to the table. He dials a number and waits.

ADULT NATHAN

(On the phone)

Hello mother…

ADULT NATHAN remains without expression as he speaks to his mother; however the conversation is muted by a voice over.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

There was something I needed to do.

I told her that there had been an emergency and I needed her to come onto campus immediately. I offered to wire her the money for the flight but she declined.

When she asked if Diane was okay I nearly hung up the phone.

She agreed to phone the airlines and board the next flight. The fact that I couldn’t tell her anything about it should have been familiar to her. It should have sparked some distant memory. It didn’t though.

ADULT NATHAN hangs up the phone with a vacant look about him and then gets up and walks to the basement door.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

ADULT NATHAN is alone, sitting on the floor in front of the chest freezer. He’s rocking back and forth and his eyes are not blinking.

MOTHER O.S.

Nathan? Nathan are you home?

ADULT NATHAN gets up and walks to the basement stairs.

ADULT NATHAN

I’m in the basement.

The sound of movement upstairs, the door to the basement opens and MOTHER rushes downstairs. She is worried.

MOTHER

I tried to phone you a hundred times now. Didn’t you hear the phone?

There was an hour delay taking off. I got here as fast as I could though. There was a taxi leaving a couple just outside of the airport and I was in the passenger seat before they even had their suitcases out of the trunk.

I used the key you had left with me to get in when you didn’t answer the door. Didn’t you hear me knocking?

ADULT NATHAN has said nothing and merely stands in front of MOTHER as she ignores this fact, seemingly oblivious to everything except her own journey to reach him.

MOTHER

(Concerned finally)

What’s happened Nathan? Are you okay?

ADULT NATHAN smiles darkly in response.

MOTHER

(Confused)

Nathan, tell me what’s going on. I rushed like a bat out of hell to get here because you said it was an emergency. Those flights weren’t cheap. Now what the hell is going on?

MOTHER takes a better look at NATHAN who still just stands there with a smile on his face and his hands behind his back.

MOTHER

(Worried)

Your hair?! What happened Nathan? Dammit, answer me!

MOTHER looks at the grey in NATHANs hair, reaching out to touch it.

NATHAN swings his right arm out. He is holding the head of a hammer in his hand. The handle connects with MOTHERs left temple. She crumples to the floor, unconscious. There is blood along the side of her face.

CUT TO:

INT. CAMPUS HOUSE – BASEMENT

MOTHER is lying down on the makeshift bed. She is unconscious and strapped to the bed with an unreal amount of duct tape.

NATHAN is beside her attaching electrodes and sensors to her temples. Equipment surrounds him. The video camera is back on its tripod aimed at the bed. The red light indicating that it is recording is on.

MOTHER moans slightly and her eyes flutter open. She tries to get up but can’t. She looks around at her surroundings, scared.

MOTHER

(Confused and worried)

Where am I? Nathan? What’s going on? What are you doing?

ADULT NATHAN

(Busy)

Hush…

MOTHER

(Angry)

Nathan! What do you think you’re doing? Did you hit me? Why are you doing this?

ADULT NATHAN ignores MOTHER. He is busy setting up the machinery that surrounds her just like he had with DIANE.

MOTHER

(Pleading)

Nathan why are you doing this? What’s going on? Talk to me! Please?

ADULT NATHAN gets up and moves to the monitor nearby and brings up a video.

ADULT NATHAN

(Cold)

Watch.

The video of the experiment on DIANE begins to play. We can hear NATHAN introducing the experiment and DIANE agreeing to participate. When she kisses him in the video ADULT NATHAN has to turn away.

He faces MOTHER as we hear things starting to go wrong when DIANE starts to experience the dream. MOTHER is shocked and starts to cry.

MOTHER

(Through tears)

Oh Nathan, why?

ADULT NATHAN slams his fists on the bed beside his mothers face in anger.

ADULT NATHAN

(Furious)

Shut up. Listen. Watch.

The video continues and we see DIANE convulsing on the table. Suddenly she sits up.

DIANE V.O.

(Trancelike and ethereal)

Naaaaathan, you have to…

Your mother…

ADULT NATHAN stops the video just as he is performing CPR in it.

ADULT NATHAN

(Ice cold)

Do you have any idea what it feels like? Her death is on my hands…

MOTHER is crying hard. She doesn’t answer him. He slams his fists on the makeshift bed beside her head again.

ADULT NATHAN

(Fury)

Of course you know all about how that feels though don’t you mother?

MOTHER is shaking her head left and right, still crying too hard to answer him.

ADULT NATHAN

(Cold)

I am going to show you something. It’s something you’ve seen before. It’s something you know very well. It’s something that has plagued my dreams every night for my entire life and it’s something I think I need to share with you.

My theory is that you’ll have some input as well, which is why I waited until you were conscious again before starting.

I hope you’re comfortable. It’s time for the feature presentation now.

ADULT NATHAN presses a few buttons and switches before typing a command to run a programme on the computer.

MOTHER is still conscious and crying as the dream starts.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE - MOTHER IN THE DREAMS POINT OF VIEW

The scene opens on blackness but with the distinct hum of a car engine. The first visual is the effect of snow covered trees going past on the left and right sides. The view is through a car windshield.

The road is covered in glittering icy snow and is barely visible. It’s snowing heavily outside of the car.

MOTHER V.O.

(Surprise)

I remember this…

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

(Cold)

I had a feeling you would. Tell me what you see.

It’s apparent that the dream starts in a car that is travelling in snowy conditions. The point of view switches from MOTHER to INFANT NATHAN point of view in each scene.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – INFANT NATHANS POINT OF VIEW

We see a man driving and MOTHER IN THE DREAM in the passenger seat from the back seat. INFANT NATHAN is looking straight through the windshield at the approaching deer as his parents laugh and joke in the front seat. The deer is getting closer but this appears to be in slow motion.

MOTHER V.O.

(Struggling to form words)

It’s Christmas. We were on our way back from your fathers’ parents’ house. It was a long drive but we wanted to get back home since his father was so ill and it was a strain on him to have all of us there.

The forecast was for a clear night but it started snowing a few hours into the trip.

Oh Nathan, please don’t make me watch. I can’t…

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

(Cold)

You will.

The view is from the backseat as the deer is getting ever closer. Its eyes begin to glow in the headlights, a greenish-yellow colour. It stares straight into the camera.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE - MOTHER IN THE DREAMS POINT OF VIEW

MOTHER IN THE DREAM is in the front seat of the car.

MOTHER IN DREAM

(Surprise)

A deer! Watch out! Don’t kill it!

MOTHER IN THE DREAM reaches over and pulls on the steering wheel as the deer bleats in front of the car. The car spins out of control just missing the deer.

We hear the crashing of glass as something flies through the windshield and the car hits a tree blacking out the scene.

MOTHER V.O.

(Crying)

Oh Nathan. I had no idea that this is what you were dreaming about…

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

(Cold)

Every night…

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – INFANT NATHANS POINT OF VIEW

The view is over the forest, flying through the trees in slow motion. The forest is reflecting orange, red and yellow light from the snow and ice that covers everything. Snow is falling still and sparkles in the light. The ground comes up to meet the point of view, but the point of view sways and swings…

FADE TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE - MOTHER IN THE DREAMS POINT OF VIEW

She is getting up from where she was laying in the snow near the car.

She sees the double car seat laying in the forest that’s glowing red, orange, and yellow and turns her head to face the car. It’s on fire which is causing the glowing colours all around as the fire reflects in the snow.

We can clearly see that the driver is lying unconscious in the drivers seat as the car becomes more and more engulfed in flames. Thick black smoke is rising up into the snowy sky and the fire is reflected red in the trail it leaves.

MOTHER V.O.

(Apologetic)

I didn’t know what to do! Everything happened so fast! The car was on fire and your father was inside. I was worried it would explode and he wasn’t conscious.

I saw the car seat where it had landed in a snow bank. I was scared. I felt so helpless.

I couldn’t be in two places at once Nathan. I had to choose between who I would help…

And who I wouldn’t…

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – INFANT NATHANS POINT OF VIEW

POV is the ground in the forest. The scene opens looking sideways through the forest which is covered in ice and snow that reflects the flames from the car a short distance away (though not visible).

INFANT NATHAN is turning his head to look straight up at the sky and we can see the trail of smoke that is reflecting red from the fire, like a path down the middle of the bright blue sky. We see the snow flakes falling and reflecting silver light as they do. We hear the thumping sound of INFANT NATHANS beating heart as it accelerates. We hear the hissing of the fire in the car.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE - MOTHER IN THE DREAMS POINT OF VIEW

MOTHER IN THE DREAM as she fumbles with the driver’s door for a moment but is unable to open it. It appears to be locked. She slams her first against it.

MOTHER IN DREAM

(Weak and hysterical)

Bernard! Wake up! Bernard the car is on fire!

Help! Someone!

MOTHER IN THE DREAM is hitting the car window and crying. The flames are getting bigger and thick smoke is beginning to choke and blind her. She keeps trying anyway.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – INFANT NATHANS POINT OF VIEW

The view is panning left. The sound of his heartbeat is accelerating ever faster.

He blinks his eyes leaving us in momentary darkness as he head continues to turn and his heart accelerates to a steady sound because it is now so fast.

He opens his eyes and we see a pair of pale blue eyes staring back at us. The whites are a mess of blood and bruising from where the blood vessels have all broken. The eyes stare lifelessly at INFANT NATHAN.

MOTHER V.O.

(Begging)

No more. Please Nathan I beg you. I can’t watch anymore.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

(Stern, growling)

You will.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE - MOTHER IN THE DREAMS POINT OF VIEW

MOTHER IN THE DREAM is coughing but not giving up on trying to get to his father in the car where he is laying unconscious. The hissing sound of the fire is deafening.

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

(Angry)

You only wanted to help him…

MOTHER V.O.

(Hysterical and crying)

He was going to burn to death!

ADULT NATHAN V.O.

What about me? What about the two of us? Didn’t we matter to you?

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – INFANT NATHANS POINT OF VIEW

The sound of hissing from the fire in the car and the sound of INFANT NATHANS heart pounding so fast it is a solid sound are all that we hear.

The pale eyes with their broken blood vessels blink once.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE - MOTHER IN THE DREAMS POINT OF VIEW

The car explodes and sends MOTHER IN THE DREAM flying through the air. She screams a blood curdling howl a second later as she realises that her husband is dead. She does not appear to be badly injured despite everything that’s happened but she merely sits in the snow looking at the wreckage and fire and cries, sobbing heavily.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – INFANT NATHANS POINT OF VIEW

The screen is black. We hear the explosion and then the blood curdling scream.

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaathan…

MOTHER V.O.

(Shocked)

Oh god, no!

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Naaaaaaathan, you have to…

MOTHER V.O.

(Crying hysterically)

Natalie? Oh Natalie… I’m so sorry baby.

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

Live Naaaaathan. For both of us… I’ll help you.

INFANT NATHAN opens his eyes again and there is a little girl with pale eyes with broken blood vessels making them nearly look white. She is shimmering in a ghostlike nearly transparent way. She reaches toward him.

CUT TO:

EXT. DREAMSCAPE – NO ONE PERSONS POINT OF VIEW

There is a double car seat in the snow and two babies are strapped into it. They are facing each other. They are obviously twins and their car seat was thrown from the car windshield.

There is ghostlike figure of a little girl standing next to the female twin (slightly older as a ghost). The female twin is dead and this is her spirit, it’s talking to INFANT NATHAN who is dying.

YOUNG GIRL (NATALIE)

(Ethereal)

She didn’t want to help us Naaaathan. We don’t need her help.

She reaches forward and touches INFANT NATHANS face. There is one distinct heart beat while she touches him. It stops as she draws her hand away.

The ghost like figure turns toward the fiery wreck and then back to INFANT NATHAN.

YOUNG GIRL (NATALIE)

(Ethereal)

I’ll help you now…

The ghost of NATALIE touches INFANT NATHANS face and we hear his heart start beating again. She continues and pushes her ghostlike hands inside of him. They disappear and she proceeds to climb inside of his tiny body. His heart beat growing steadily louder and stronger as she progresses.

MOTHER V.O.

(Crying)

Oh Natalie, Nathan, I didn’t know… How could I have known?

The ghost of NATALIE disappears inside of INFANT NATHAN and we see him open his eyes and breathing easily.

YOUNG GIRL V.O.

(Ethereal)

If you help me later…